Dad approval - check
Heartfelt - check
Love - check
Sweetness - check
Tears - check
Kisses - check
And if I knew how to post pictures ... in a little while ... I could post a picture of ... drum roll ...
*blush**gush**mush*
My engagement ring.
It's being reset and resized. Marquise diamond in a white gold setting. It's amazing. I was surprised at how lovely it was. When he gave it to me it was in a gold setting, but he knew that I wanted something to match my other jewelry. So he took it to the jeweler and got a brand new setting. I feel so spoiled. But he's adorable. I'm still in shock.
And before you flip your gourd, I know I'm not getting married for a few years maybe three. I know we've only known eachother for about six months. But I adore him. Every day he amazes me. Man, when it's good it's great. When it's great, it's unbelievable.
We sat down the other day and wrote out two pages of goals we want to achieve together and individually. It's the first time I've really felt like a partnership or team with my sig. other, you know? Like we can do anything because we have eachother. I know it's really dorky, but it feels totally powerful. And safe.
Because I know he can achieve so much. And so far, he is. His career is going so well. He's making an amazing amount of contacts. His food is awesome. He keeps getting more gigs through work. He says he's inspired. *smile*
My list had more to do with healing my back and myself. And more quality time with Zoe (who is getting so grown up. I'll have to dedicate a few entries to that lovely baby). Possibly also buying a new car by the end of the year.
Anyway, I have a ton of work to finish. Just wanted to spill it before I burst.
Peace and Paraguay to you all. (hey, it was the first P I saw on my world map)
Much love.
[sort of aside]My poor sweetie. He was going to propose at the Boney James concert last Friday, but knew that I had said I'd be embarrassed if he proposed in front of our friends. So he called it off. He had it all lined up and everything with the band dudes. My dad was there. It was an amazing concert.
I had a total feeling he was going to do it. He looked so sentimental and hiding a major secret. But he didn't know if he should or not. I kind of wish he had done it. I didn't know anyone there so I could have bawled my head off in front of like 3,000 people. Would have been a good story.
So instead he proposed to me sweetly and simply in my sister's living room with my friend Shutterbug hiding in the kitchen. It was heartfelt, but I think he did it just to get it over with. Which is funny because he's the most creative and romantic man I've ever met. No mind. The first time he proposed was totally amazing and spontaneous. It's secret so I can't give the details but would make a wonderful scene in a movie. Anyway, I'm thinking the third time will be the charm. The story to tell our grandkids, ya know?
Regardless, I get the dude in the end. Just like the movies *yipee* And that's all that matters.[aside over]
And my man ... Well let's just say the one thing that is for sure about our wedding is that he's gonna wear a KILT. I love it. Love love love it.
(Special love and hugs to my girl, Shutterbug. I'm so glad you are in my life. I'm so glad I have you as a friend. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you. Bring the cutie pies over this weekend)
Happy McNervous Birthday, brilliant, calm woman.
You are a better man than I am Fretty. And you have much better hair.
Hope your day was lovely and full of flowers and peaches.
Ok, I'm all back to normal.
Busy as hell at work, but that's better than not busy.
Can't post anything good right now. I went to the vending machine and got some corn nuts. I'm sick that way. Man they are good.
So I'm going to take my leave and go crunch the hell out of them. No offense, but you all don't stack up to the bbq goodness that corn nuts bring me.
Peace and Peanuts (ok, corn nuts) to you all.
I don't know why I swallowed the fly. Perhaps I'll die.
Ok, ugly over.
I had a lovely birthday even though my expectations were all off. There's a secret that some of you know, but I'm going to talk about that later when it's more real to me. Unexpected and wonderful.
I love my friends. They surround me with love. I feel safe when I'm with them. And cherished. All my new and old friends. I know their hearts. Lara and her cuz (who was crazy and fun), Oatmeal, Luis1, Ctal, NX2000, Crazyforlove, HeartofGold, Shutterbuggy and Dof2+2. And my beloved Cheffy.
Thank you for rescuing my birthday. Next year, I'm going to a secret location for some R & R.
I love you.
Snit, be well. Be well. I will pray for you. Pedialyte pops are good. I also give Zoe Gatorade with no color in it. And there are some organic drinks that taste ok, and don't have all the weird preservatives.
BOOM! Here we go.
and yeah, I'm mean and nasty when I want to be.
Frenchie - go fuck yourself.
In about 10,000,000,000 ways. With a nasty used whore's dildo up your dumb ass and a gallon of leftover porn star's pussy drool.
I went out of my way to make up with you for the sake of our common friends. I had no reason to, but it was so uncomfortable that I thought I'd give it a chance.
You then came to my house and ate my food and hung out. I invited you to celebrate my birthday with me. You suggested the restaurant. I invited your boytoy upon your request even though I don't know him. I thought things were cool. You offered to come and to even get there early to save a table.
Yet you still chose to go behind my back and talk to Ms. Douchebag about my personal business. Obviously YOU were the one that chose not to be my friend. YOU chose to be a dick. And I don't need your friendship. Now I am glad you are the asshole you are.
I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have to beg you to be my friend, which is what you act like. Like I have to prove a damn thing to you in order to be your friend. YOU are the one making people pick sides. The only side I have is my own. Which includes me and my friends and family.
Yes, you say I'm vicious with my words. Yepper. I am. Because, like I said before, I will do ANYTHING for my friends, unless they betray or provoke me. (and I mean serious betrayal or provoking) Of which you did both. Which is why I don't want or have to be friends with dicks like you and Douchie.
Basically I hate Ms. Douchebag and her Minions - obviously of which you are one. I don't have to make peace with them as I don't give two shits about what they do or say. I'm still going to hang with my friends, love them, and have fun.
The Douchebag Hags are not now, or ever will be, anything I care about. Just like before I joined that site, I have a life, with my child and my family and friends and now my sweet Chef. Now that I'm off the site, there is no reason to deal with any of them. I don't have to make peace. And I don't want to. Fuck them and fuck you.
And my friends know what loyalty means, because I am truly a loyal friend and would do anything for my real friends.
[aside]Now I know that all of my friends sometimes talk about me in one way or another - with EACHOTHER, (which is different in so many ways) but those that are TRULY my friends would never go to Ms. Douchebag to discuss my business.
Because once Douchebag knows, it's a public announcement. Because she has the biggest fucking mouth this side of, well this side of her big, saggy, nasty tits. (and no, someone - actually several male & female friends of mine - has deemed them saggy & nasty & it wasn't me.) [aside over]
Like I said, with friends like you, kevlar is a necessity.
And even though I went out of my way to make up with you, you still chose to act like an asshole. None of my messages were aimed at you (as Ms. Douchebag is also on my Yahoo IM as are over 120 people), nothing that I wrote anywhere was aimed at you. So, just like the Carly Simon song ... "You're so vain, you thought this song was ... " Most of it was a joke, or not directed your way. Quit being so paranoid.
Unlike you, I don't speculate when I think something is about me. I ACTUALLY ASK someone. Ya know. It's not quite so Junior High-ish.
Yet obviously you took them to heart. Guess you must have recognized yourself in my words. Because you know YOU were guilty as charged. Obviously. Otherwise you wouldn't have taken the actions you did.
And now you send me this "mean/drunk" email. I'm laughing my ass off. You and Ms. Douchebag WERE separated at birth. Assholes, fag hags, both of you.
[aside]Ok. Get this straight. I am not now, nor ever, am a gay basher. My best friend in college is gay and have had many gay friends my whole life. I have NO issues with gay people - male or female. More power to them. Marry away. Give them rights. It's all good.
Just that I don't revel in my friend's gayness as do the "fag hags" I'm discussing. I love my friend regardless of his sexual preference. It's just part of who he is instead of ALL that he is. Someone should take a lesson from that. If you are an asshole and you're gay, I'll hate you for being the asshole. Not because of who you choose to sleep with.
Maybe they revel in this jerkoff, I think, it is a subconscious way to be around a man since they can't seem to get/keep a non-gay man. He's a stupid prissy queen. Seriously. He acts like he's about 12. Hissy fits, flames, junior high school stuff.
Because seriously. Ms. Douchebag comes off as a desperate chick who is so damn aggressive any non-gay man SHOULD be skeered of her. Honey, less a) showing off the rack - it's like that's all that you are b) rubbin your tits up against them all the time c) sucking your beer bottle simulating fellatio while you are so d) lamely dancing - get a few new moves and maybe you could get a man. No need to try so hard.[aside over]
So with the last email you sent, here it is you fucking bitch. I don't care if I hurt your feelings. Those that are innocent of what I spoke of KNOW I wasn't talking about them. Those that are truly my friends know who I am and what I'm about. And if you choose to see me in the light you do, it's because you are guilty about not being a true friend. Obviously you care(d) about our friendship about as much as I do right now.
So go fuck off you stupid cunt. You and Ms. Douchebag can go happily eat Mr. Nate the Irate's crusty smegma out of his tighty gay whities.
Just keep your kevlar handy as one day you will need it.
And there's no need to fucking sugarcoat it anymore. (hahaha D2+2) It's my journal and I can spout off if I want to. If I chose to talk to these dicks in person (which I'm not), I'd say the same damn shit right to their faces.
FakeyFrenchie accused me of using my words as attacks on her. I never named names, was speculating, she reacted as "guilty" and now, well now I KNOW what she did and who she is because of her email. A fucking backstabbing bitch.
And, btw, you don't have to "agree" with me to be my friend. You just have to not be an asshole to me. (e.g. The ever-lovely Candyfloss. I don't know her all that well, and I KNOW we don't agree on a lot of things, but she's never been a dick to me. And I'd never betray her in any way. THAT's how the whole friendship thing works, Frenchie. I have many friends that don't see eye to eye with me. To me it's more about how they act as friends to me and MY friends that counts.)
And that's it for now. I hope to not have to waste one more minute of typing on her and the like.
Peace and Penis to you all.
Ok, see the entry a few down? The Candyfloss one ...
I wasn't even speculating. I wasn't pointing fingers. I am not even really sure. Still am not.
Because I mentioned that if you recognized yourself in the paragraph, that you may want to just remove yourself from my life.
And someone just did. So whether it was you, or you just didn't like what I was saying, well *shrug* I don't really give a farting mcfuck.
Because anyone that knows me well knows that I am very very VERY trusting of my friends. Until you provoke or betray me. Then, well if you do that, then you can go eat the corn out of my shit for all I care. I don't want to have anything to do with you.
And someone has been talking shit to this person I think is a giant douchebag. I trusted my friends with something, and it got back to Ms. Douchebag. Who then contacted my Cheffy expressing her "concern."
Um. Fuck you.
And to the other. Fuck you for telling her.
With friends like these, kevlar is on my birthday wish list.
I'm home today. I wasn't feeling well and the Zoester was beyond a sleepyhead.
Such is life.
But it makes for a great birthday. Sitting in our jammies. Watching Scooby Doo. Ordering pizza with black olives (Z's favorite) and then later dropping her off with my mom (who is in town) so that I can go on a date with my sweets.
The assholes get me down a bit, but only when I'm tired.
I took a short nap, a long shower, and am sitting here watching a storm come in.
Thank you all my loves. My old IRC loves, my new local loves, and my last one true love. You all still just fucking rock!
Ok, one more day. It's my birthday. Yay!
I always have a love/hate relationship with my birthday. I've had the worst fights of my life around my birthday, and I've had the most fun nights of my life as well.
This year is no different. I'm now kind of in limbo as to my party. Cheffy was planning a surprise for me Saturday that ended up not being a surprise (although we have a date tomorrow for my actual birthday). Too many things came up. I was all wishy washy about it, so now there really aren't plans. I'm sure my friends are all exasperated with me anyway.
I mean, we are going to go see this band we like, so that's fun, but other than that, we don't have any plans.
I am wanting to just go to dinner with my peeps, but because Chef has to work on Friday and Sunday, he's not going to be able to cook dinner up at his demo kitchen for the group. I totally understand. But now I'm not sure where to go for dinner on a Saturday night with a big group.
My usual birthday haunt for the past 12 years or more has been Chuys. But they closed my favorite one down & all that is left is this uppity River Oaks Chuys (Chuys is part of a chain of restaurants. It's where Jenna or the other Bush twin got busted for using a fake ID a few years back)
Anyway, I am taking suggestions of where we can go. I need to figure it out because I have to notify kind of a bunch of people.
I am way too high maintenance for all of this. Maybe we should all just go eat barbque or something.
Although one fun thing is that NO ONE says that I look even close to being 37. Yay for sunscreen.
Ok, work is calling. More later.
My baby is so beautiful. She is amazingly beautiful. I adore that kid.
The reason I don't really give a shit about my job:
they just hired some chick to help me as I'm a bit behind because I can't read 134809238410348 documents at the same time.
Even though I used to hire people for a living (I read over 1,000 resumes and hired 40 people in one year), and she will be working most closely with me, I was not privvy to the interview process.
I think she will get the office across the hall from me. I have never been allowed to have the office because it has a window although I am able to use it as a storage/workroom.
My office is the supply room. It looks like a welfare office. I get interrupted at least 30 times a day. Usually for people asking me if we have red pens.
They hate me. I hate them back.
But I'm a great editor. I don't fuck up alot. I meet all my deadlines, and when it comes down to getting shit done, I do it. And I do a great job for my client.
These are the days I most miss Lara. She just fucking rocks it. And I still consider her my best friend even though I haven't seen her in eons. Why? Because she knows me better than anyone else still.
So cheers. Here's to hating your job. Yay!
I really don't hate what I do. It's kind of cool. I just hate that they make it so difficult to want to like working here.
My birthday is this Thursday, but thanks folks.
I'm not up for writing as of late. Someone knows why.
The circus was fun, and at least I smiled about something for a few hours.
Then I came home, put Zoe to sleep, and cried my head off.
Work is going to suck today. Along with the rest of everything else.
I almost fell asleep driving this morning on the way in. I hate my life.
How can anyone feel so creepy on a day that they are going to the circus?
Well I do. I'm sick as it gets.
And I'm too sick to write.
And I hate my birthday now.
Thanks for fucking ruining it. I'm just glad that I dodged the bullet.
If something happens to me tonight. Some of my loves know who did it. I'm freaking out. I love you.
One more week until my birthday.
For some reason, it's not inspiring much from me. I don't feel the anticipation and excitement that I usually do.
I miss Zoe like bonkers. It's too quiet in my little house. I feel off somehow.
I've been overworking compensating for it.
My Sis #2 (the antichrist of tact) told my folks that Chef and I are living together. That went over well *rolls eyes here.*
I had planned on telling them, but I wanted them to meet him first. I don't know what she was thinking, but Deacon Dad was actually rather cool about it. He's all geeked up because he just took a Divorce, Annulment, and Separation class or something. So now he can advise me on all of it. Yay! Just what I want to be discussing with my father.
Ick
But the timing is, well, appropriate. It's time for me to be divorced for real. And not just in my head and heart. Because that's how I felt the day I found out about Zoe's dad cheating on me. Fini. Over. Absolute.
I'm now with a wonderful man, and I want to be looking forward with him. And not being divorced is just hanging over my head right now. It's more of a pain in the ass than something that is emotional to me (right now).
[aside]Because I know it will be emotional. I have a whole box of love letters from her dad. We did love eachother dearly once upon a blue moon. I'm going to give them to Zoe one day. So that she knows she was a product of two people that cared and loved for each other.
And it's nice to see that he is more like his old self now. He's stopped being so angry. He's trying really hard to get his shit together (like I don't have to remind him to pay his daycare - he's been doing it). Anyway, it will be good to open a new and fresh chapter in my life. [aside over]
I am feeling a bit blue today. For no apparent reason. I want to go home, go to bed and cry. Well, I guess it must be the Zoe thing.
I'm tired of writing now.
Hooba was skanky young chicks & dudes with weedeater hairdos.
I had a lovely time nonetheless. All due to my wonderful Cheffy.
Gotta go. I need some drugs. I guess all of us would be more mellow if we were high all the time.
Bookie. Sorry it's been so tough for you lately. The rosary for tonight will be in you, the Fer and your families honor. I love you, sweet sister. Hang in there.
Someone find me a new forum. Mine have all gone totally Stepford.
I'm busy as a motherfucker today.
So this is it.
Cheffy and I are going to see Hoobastank tonight. Yay for that. I dressed wild like a rockstar today for it.
Zoe is at her dad's for the week. I'm trying really hard not to think about it. I love that child. Man, we did have a great time this weekend.
Some people are no longer speaking to me. Right now I'm too busy to give a flying fuck. One day I might care, but today is not the day.
Off to repro to deal with the incompetent one.
Peace and Privileges to you all.
I love Chef. I love that man.
When is he ever going to realize it's totally mutual? Absolutely. I adore you, you big dork, so stop complimenting my ass already. I'm in it for the long haul. The ass belongs to you.
I'll see you tonight. Cause it's gonna be so on, sucka!
Now pass me the vicodan.
Found an old entry. See how fucking stubborn I am. But, damn, my mind still hasn't changed.
hmmm Sisterhood. My summary.
I have sisters. I got plenty. Three of them. I have many many friends of mine who are like sisters. But I don't subscribe to the whole, we are woman & we should have a sisterhood thing.
Maybe it's because I have been fucked over worse by woman than any man ever could. Jobs, life, men. Bitches. Fuck you.
Some of y'all are assholes and I just don't like you. Just because you have a pussy doesn't mean I owe you anything.
Good thing I am always surrounded by my loves, my lives, my passions.
I love you, Cheffy and can't wait to see you in a few.
And I'm off to get my Zbaby.
These are my two favorite people in the world.
If you don't want to be in my life, well I'm not gonna fight you for that. I have lots of dear friends. And because I'm pretty fucking happy as it is.
Life is good.
Sisterhood isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
I'm sorry if I'm such an unforgiving bitch sometimes, but that's just my nature. I usually get over it, and I don't hold grudges for very long, but 99.99999% of the time I will never change my opinion about you.
This is one of those times.
------------------------------
I met the man my Cheffy most loves in the world. We hung out in this pool hall and drank a few beers (I mostly had h2o). Chef's Homie really is a pretty cool damn dude. I now love him, maybe not as much as Cheffy loves him, but probably nearly as much.
Why?
Because I can tell he loves my sweetie too. That he wants only the best for him. That he cares about him and his welfare and wants him to succeed.
He loves him in the same way that I do. And Chef is "my" Chef when he's around Homie. He shows his true self and is vunerable and sweet and ridiculously funny. Homie is the personification of a true blue friend. True friends want you to be the best person that you can be. They'd do anything for you and your enemies are their enemies. I swear if Chef cut his finger, Homie would be bleeding too.
Can you say separated at birth?
They've been through hell and back and have seen some of the best times of their lives together. Scarily funny. Contageously funny. And achingly endearing. I love them together. Someone needs to document this relationship. It would make a fantastic movie.
I now know just why my Chef loves him so.
It is now 4am and I'm going to end up in the hospital if I don't get some sleep. Seriously. I'm getting worn out.
I have physical therapy at 8:30 also. If you are up early (like 7:30am CST) and are close enough to me to have my phone number, please give me a courtesy wake up call. I'm gonna need it.
I have refrained from posting about Zoe. Her half sister is in town and Zoe met her for the first time. Z's sis is 24. They are now joined at the hip. And Zoe didn't want to come home. So she's been there for almost a week, hanging out, swimming, going to the mall, catching up on her sleep. Her dad told me that she's like gangbusters. She ate four hot dogs after swimming the other day. This equally repulses me and overjoys me at the same time.
And I miss her immensely. I can't even describe how empty it feels without her. It's throwing me off keel. And I feel like I have lost a part of my body. I dreamt last night about being pregnant with her again.
I cannot imagine my life without her. She truly is my heartbeat.
Now I'm going to bed. I can't see this fucking screen for the tears in my eyes.
God please bless my baby. And my Cheffie and his Homie. And all my lovely dear family and the few friends I have still.
And for once, share some with me.
Peace and Pinkness (in honor of Zoe) for everyone
Ok, in the title, change the R in rain to P for ... well you get it.
I have pain everywhere and not in a good way.
Ouchie back. but I'm tired of writing about that. I'm going to will it to go away.
--------------------------
Warning: Rant induced entry.
See the way my head works is that if I write about it here, then I don't have to think/talk about it again. So just let me get this out of my system, so I can go back to my boring life. Ok.
--------------------------
so, bleegh. RANT on. (and unfortunately I’m tired so I can’t keep my grammar straight – so if that’s gonna bug you, then surf on over to www.imagrammarnazi.com )
People are being a pain in my ass.
I'm going to lose a good friend (most likely two) because of some fucking bullshit. Someone is being poison to me. She is talking smack about me and how I'm trying to make people pick sides. Sides? What? Is this junior high and it’s the preppies vs. the townies or some shit?
No, really, the only person that I’m making pick sides now is me.
I can't have this crap in my life. I don't need the stress and I don't need her venom. Not to mention the peculiar diatribes from her little lap dog male diva friend (whether she had him do that or not, he still knows all about everything um ... from HER. Nothing like a drama queen showing his ass in public. Seriously was the oddest thing I've ever seen.)
N.E. Way ...
See, when she tells me shit about my friends she is trying to push her own lame agenda. How could that not make me have to choose between her and my friends?
Especially when I ask my friends about the "rumor" from her "reliable sources," and come to find out what she was telling me was complete fiction. Fucking bullshit that is totally untrue.
And it's not like it's only happened once or twice. At least four things she’s told me were complete falsehoods. Absolute lies that she pushed at me like it was the gospel truth. And this leads me to believe I'm not the only one that she's sold that crap to.
And the crap ... well all four of those things were completely damaging to someone I hold dear's reputation. So, let's ruin someone's reputation because you feel yours has been damaged before so that makes it ok?
MissedReliable Sources: ok, well I don’t' share other people's scoops
MissedReliable Sources: I just want you to know that
MissedReliable Sources: I mean, not the ones they care about ok
Who are you to decide what they do and do not want you to talk about? Jesus!!! Especially when you really aren’t good friends with them / don’t trust them? WTF?
Because when I hear something about Person A, I actually am not afraid to say to Person A, "hey A, I heard this about you ... what's the fucking deal with that?"
I can't handle that shit. In the first place, don't talk to me about my fucking friends. You may not like or trust them or whatever, but I do. I love them. Very much so. They have been there for me when I needed them, and I’m very loyal about that. Actions really do speak louder than anything to me.
In the second place, I can't stand all this freaking gossip mongering. I'm game when we are all goofing off – not seriously damaging reputations or anything. And being stoopid and laughing. But to sit there and constantly barrage me with untruths about my dear friends, well I can't handle that. Whether it is fiction or non fiction, that just irks me. They are my friendddddssss. I love them regardless of their flaws, as I would hope that they love me even though I like to say the word cunt too much and keep getting myself into trouble for saying spooge eater.
And finally, I don't say shit behind someone's back that I wouldn't say right to their face. This is a big thing for me.
She started off a conversation saying, "well this whole X Girl situation is sticking in my grill... she just irritates the snot out of me," and "well I don't like X Girl" then later, after I had confronted her & didn't agree with her agenda, she said that she likes X Girl and that she talked to X and that they are cool.
Well, hon, you are simply delusional then. Because you can't spread rumors and tell people you think they have agendas and that you don't trust them and expect them to think you are anything but the bloodsucker that you are. Or that they will want to hang around you and shoot the shit. Because it makes them wary of you and that they don't want their lives dissected for the world to judge and discuss.
[aside] and my policy is that unless I saw that shit with my own two eyes, or heard from someone who actually DID whatever they say they did (and even then I sometimes take it with a grain of salt), well I don't believe the hype. And I most certainly wouldn't act like or even say to someone else that it was the truth. Reliable sources my ass. [aside over]
And if she wants to talk smack about them, then why the fuck does she want to hang with us anyway? There are a few chicks that I basically detest. Mainly because they act like complete assholes on purpose. My choice is ... well I don't want to hang with them. I'm not going to be a cunt and start shit with them, but I can tell you right now that they'd never be invited to my house for dinner. (and I know they wouldn't want to - but that's not the point)
Anyway, all of this is just crap. It's irritating as hell to me. All of us are just sick of it.
I don't need it mentally and especially physically. My blood sugar was 215 this morning. First freaking thing in the morning. That shit is stress induced. Absolutely.
The only thing THE MAIN FUCKING THING about this entire smack-talking, forum posting situation is that there is a fucking hella cool chick, who is the kind of person I'd want to know for my entire life, and she's gotten so glum about this situation that she has walked out. I can't blame her, but I can say ... don't let people poison your life.
It's cool to want out of the situation. But don't treat the rest of us like we are lepers. Especially if you haven't witnessed what we've witnessed. Maybe there is a good reason we are getting the poison out of our lives. Maybe there is a good reason why I'm not the only one leery of her. Maybe there's a good reason we are calling Miss Reliable Source on her fucking reliable sources.
It's called agenda, baby. And I don't have one. Maybe that's why I pretty much get along with everyone. I'd rather trust people and then maybe get hurt, then be so fucking paranoid that I am on orange alert with everyone. That's no way to live.
Perhaps there's a reason she feels the need to talk shit about my friends. And why she doesn't trust us? I don’t fucking know. She’s a fun person. I don’t know why she’d act a dick like that. Because perhaps she's projecting her venom and insecurities on the others. Perhaps she dislikes rejection and wants to mask her fucking agenda. Here, let me talk shit about you, but then tell you to your face that I love you & that I consider us good friends.
Sorry, but I don't work like that.
[aside] and those that say they don’t trust us really have not spent that much time with us. I trust each and every one of my friends. Funny thing is that the only one I ever had reservations about was Miss Reliable Source. Probably because she always knew the scoop. I felt uncomfortable sharing anything with her because I knew that it would spread like wildfire. Sure it will now that we’ve parted ways.[aside over]
Unfortunately, but understandably, there is fallout from all of this crap. We look (and have been acting) like a bunch of ninnies. Someone, several someones, think we are all stupid asses. Cheffy is tired of the fussing. He’s tired of it making me ill (literally ill).
I just want it all back like it was before. When it was all about the love and laughs. And the snorting.
I miss you, dear. I miss your friendly fun self. You’re perfectly adorable. And kind and sweet and hilariously funny. And I don’t like it when you are sad. And I don’t like the fighting and the stupidity as much as you don’t like it.
But I can understand if you’d rather distance yourself. Some days I feel the same way.
My head has always been an evil place to be.
Most days.
So hopefully this is the last of this crap. Hopefully it is now out of my head.
And that the fallout won't be as devastating. I surely hope not.
Oh, and as far a judging people on their actions and what they do in public/private ... well most of you know my "former" life was like a freaking Jerry Springer show. Yes, it didn't involve live chickens, peach preserves and a weedeater, but close enough.
I'm not God, nor do I proport to be.
So step off your high and mighty, and get real, Mother Teresa.
Do not call me tonight.
I'm going to be fucking busy.
or is that busy fucking?
Either way, don't fucking call me tonight.
And Goddamnit all if I'll let this horseshit drama interrupt with getting my freak on, you fuckers!
Been getting spammed with ads as of late. (see title)
Too busy to post, but sending my deb_u_team some major love. Biggest hug to my girls Frenchie and Heart.
I think some of us have some healing to do. And that's why we are here. To empower eachother and give eachother strength when we most need it. To love eachother despite our flaws and to help eachother when we know we are able.
I adore you all. And you are all my sisters. Now squash it and come give me a hug.
Happy Birthday SAS. We had a great time and I hope that is one for the record books. Even though we all know we let those men win at trivial pursuit. Otherwise their egos would be too bruised.
Anyway, I'll update at a later date.
Congrats Auntie Lori Sunshine, by the way. She's a lucky baby to have you in her life. Remember that & you can make a difference.
Hi Cheffy. I love you & will be home soon.
You see... Zoe's older sister (her dad's oldest child) is in town and Zoe wanted to stay with her at his house. So she's there for a week. Cheffy and I are all newlywedded up.
Sweet.
IT'S ON SUCKA!