debutaunt.com

Birthday Greetings

A few pics from Zoe's birthday. We really did have a great time.

A wonderful friend of mine did face painting for the kids at Zoe's party. They all looked really cute. I'd post more, but I don't want any parents to weird out about it.

And yes, Zoe had to stand up on the table to get to her presents. There were over 60 guests there and they all had a great time. I swear, next time I think I might ask for a donation to a literacy fund instead. My house is too small to look like ToysRUs. But she loves all of it.

Bleegh

Me. Sick.
Zoe. Sick.

Zoe just has a headache. Other than that, she just seems a bit draggin ass. So I thought, I'll keep her home before she gets worse. We'll nap too. She's had the cough forever and a day now. But still not horrible. Just need to slow down a bit. Last time she had this, it turned into pneumonia.

Then, after I called in that I was home with a sick kid. Then I get sick. Nicccceeeee. I'm sure they'd not believe me. But maybe I should just pack up a stool sample for them to analyze. I need more sick leave than an entire country. How about I just call in lazy and half dead?

I'm sick but still I can't be still. Must. Do. Laundry.

I will not stop until everything in my house is washed. Regardless of the little run in (literally) I am now having with whatever fucking disgusting thing I ate yesterday.

I think I'm dehydrated. I wish I had a bellini.

Well at least my clothes will all be clean. I'm counting the days until my housekeeper comes and makes it all nice again. I will never skip a week again. It makes me crazy.

I also just put a bunch of movies into my blockbuster queue thingy. Let's see how this online ordering thing works out. Maybe I can catch up on my movies. Since I used to go see no fewer than two a weekend. I've been behind for like 5 years now.

Ok, the dinging is going off. Must. Fold. Laundry.

Then shit out my small intestine and grow closer to needing an IV for dehydration. Then you all can take pictures of me drooly and vegetative after my heart stops.

Damnit, I'm hungry.

Ok, when do kids really start doing a good job of wiping their own ass? My child is adorable, but the girl just quite isn't getting it. I think I'm going to toss half her underwear and go shopping with the Gap card my sis gave me. Because the goddamn spray n wash ain't cutting it.

Vitamin Rich

Don't you hate it when you buy a lunch, it's expensive, and it STILL sucks?

I bought a barbecue sandwich from the downstairs deli. Inedible.

That happened another time with a grilled salmon salad from Post Oak Grill. $9 bucks and it made me want to hurl later.

Guess that's what happens when you are lazy on a Sunday.

I should have brought some Easter candy to make up for the lack of pizazz in my lunch.

Fucker.

Tubes Part Deux

Ok, if I ever get to the point where I'm in a Permanent Vegetative State:

1. Please don't use my drooling veg pictures as the ones they use all over the damn place. (see extended entry)

2. Please don't get congress and other buttfuck celebrities involved.

3. I think I will have my directive be that my older sister be in charge of what happens to me if that situation were to arise. She's wise, and probably knows me better than anyone else in my family.

Is it me, or is is just kind of sick and ironic that Terri S will end up starving to death? I mean, she got into her veg. state because she was a bulimic, no? Guess she gets to go out the way that she chose to live while she was alive - starving. Sad. Sad. Sad.

It's all just fucking sad. I feel sorry for both sides. Which is why I'm not in a place to decide one damn way or another. Personally I think she should have been allowed to die a more dignified and private way though.

DO NOT EVER FUCKING DO THIS TO ME, POR FAVOR!!

or

Snappy Jesus to You

Zoe and I were very sloth-like yesterday.

The Easter bunny brought her The Incredibles, so we watched it like 3 times yesterday. We also watched Bambi and various cartoons.

We did lots of reading and some coloring. Ate some M&Ms.

I should have been writing thank you notes.
I should have been finishing up my laundry.
I should have cleaned my house.

But it was more fun to wrestle, tickle, laugh, sleep-in and be a slugmutt.

I babysat all day Saturday, for nearly 12 hours. I brought the kids to my house so I could cook & do laundry. I think that may be the last time as it looks a mess even though they still cleaned up after. I got paid out the wazoo, so it makes up for it a bit.

Gave away a load of clothes that my old sister gave me. They were all a size 6-8 (which will never in a bazillion years fit me). I still have a few things left, but she basically outfitted one of my friends and a few others made out all right. I got a few more things, but Meerkat gets dibs as they are hot & sexy!

And I made potato salad from my mom's recipe, but it didn't turn out right. I think it should have been teaspoons of celery seed vs. tablespoons. It was nearly black. Still tasted kinda yum though.

I could use an extra day off, but who couldn't.

Damn. I'm bo to the ring.

On a little Do Not Disturb

My baby is just so damn cute.

I'm going to ask for a digital camera for my birthday because that child is just freaking adorable.

I am tired like a mofo. But I was hungry & didn't want to cook. So tonight we went out with a few of the girlies and their chirrin (Meerkat, what about the chirrin???) to dinner. We dragged the local lethario* with us. It was a fun time.

So anyway, we are getting dressed to head out. And let me tell you. Getting dressed with Zoe was way worse than ever getting dressed with any friends before a girl's night out.

She came up with quite a few hideous outfits before she selected her tres chic final one. I swear, I need Aunt Oatmeal The Movie Star over here STAT to teach my child how to match stuff.

I let her get away with it this morning for school (white flowery hankerchief she had in her hair like Fiddler on the Roof, cheeta print mini skirt, totally off color RL shirt with holes in it [her cousins], and these hot pink scoot sneakers with velcro). Well when we go out together, I try to make sure she looks presentable. Because a cute kid like that should not travel lookin like an orphan.

So the outfit... Well it was her tutu from when she was little. An aqua blue tutu and her tie dyed onsie. It still fits her. She also wore her red cowboy boots and a red sweater. And a sparkly hair band. Very Carrie.

I wish I could dress like that.

*rumor has it that I fucked the local lethario. Which is funny because even though he's had more than his share, he ain't been near the debu_punanny. Guess some bitches be trippin. I can't date someone who dated a friend. No can do. "I don't want to taste Candyfloss's chonch when I'm kissing Mr. X."

I miss ya Meerkat. Come see me soon.

And you thought your job was difficult

A friend of mine (the cute guy who gave me the Hillary Duff tickets) is a bigwig at that plant in Texas City that exploded. He's been trying to get Zoe's dad a job .

When I first found out about the tragedy, I panicked for a second when I realized where the explosion was. I tried for over an hour to reach him, but his phone was either dead or a fast busy signal. He finally picked up and I said "B?" He just replied "I'm ok." I told him to call me whenever, but that I was praying for him and all his crew.

He rang me up today. Of the 15 dead, 11 were on his crew. He had spent most of the day taking families to go identify his dead crew. They had identified 8 already.

So when you think your job is sucking hard, at least you aren't taking co-workers families to the morgue to identify their remains.

I love you, B. I'm sorry.

Moody Mood

I hate to fight.

I honestly do.

But I'm a Cancer. I'm cool until provoked.

Especially when you pull the low blow punches. And especially when you start it.

I know I'm like 3rd grade about it. I know I'm difficult and moody.

I also know that I'm sick. My immune system is giving me a big FUCK YOU right about now. And that jacks up my blood sugar levels and makes it hard to function sometime.

I also know that I will die soon because I'm like this.

And that I lose friends easily because I'm like this.

I know it. I've accepted it. And then I move on.

But I do have some friends who have stuck around long enough to know me well. And they know how to deal with this.

There are some things you just don't say to friends if you want to stay friends with them. I know I said some.

But I didn't say them first :(

And I really hate to lose you. Bitch.

Stop

If I know you in real life, and you read stuff here you don't approve of, can you please keep your fucking mouth shut instead of telling me how shitty of a mom I am and saying that you are "concerned?"

I'm a whore. Right. You called it. I am in love with a man who doesn't want a proper relationship, so that's horrible, right? Just like with Dr. Egypt.

There is no Mr. Right. Because I'm a big loser with no self esteem and everyone hates me.

I need a break from everything right about now.

Bitches are like fleas

hey deb

you know i tried to apologize to you but you are just the queen of getting mad, and blowing up at people, just like you did with XXX sis, and saying things that really you blow things way out of proportion and you refuse to take responsibility for anything in your own life all you ever do is tell everyone else who are also single moms how hard it is to be a single mom. we've all talked to you and tried to tell you hey well lay the kids clothes out the night before and get in bed earlier do this do that and you choose not to do any of that and instead you keep chosing to complain and bitch about how hard it is instead of taking action about it.

you XXXXXXXXX and then you tell me that you're responsible. I don't think so.

If you want this to be ugly then fine, that's how we'll make it.

and you wonder why your relationships are all dysfunctional and your friendships end up in a ball of flame.

Tell me something I don't fucking know.

I'm sure that it's hard to be perfect.

My guy isn't perfect. My relationship isn't perfect. But he's perfect for me. Right now. Right at this moment.

I know I'm not perfect. I know it. I doubt my choices all the time. Hell, you all read about it all the time. But I don't need some friend yelling at me to tell me what a fuckup I am as a mom.

I already do every single fucking day. So you ain't telling me anything new.

Go ahead and comment. I got my finger on the IP block button right about now.

Unplug the Bitch, I don't care

I care as much about Terry whatsherface as I do about Michael Jackson.

I stopped watching television altogether. I did this once before, long ago, with the Jeffrey Dahmer thing. I went four years without watching television.

I was in college and was sitting there eating a baked sweet potato when they started hauling out the refrigerators and bodies and shit. I didn't eat a sweet potato again for years either.

Who the hell knows who is telling the truth? I'm with True Jersey girl. It's all totally subjective, and it's not up to me who is telling the truth. I don't think anyone can.

And all these experts just want to open their big mouths and get paid.

Sheesh. Have you all seen the E! version of the MJ trial. Hideous. It's funny to just watch the actor that plays MJ.

Nothing worth watching. So I went out and bought Jennifer Weiner's book, Little Earthquakes.

I'm also hoarse from Zoe's party. It was a blast. Although my apartment looks like ToysRUs.

Nother time, nother story.

This is why they call me Deb_u_taunt

Happy 5th Birthday Zoe Magic

Today is Zoe's 5th birthday.

I am amazed and as I look back I feel so fortunate to have her in my life. She really is magic.

It's been a bit of a difficult year. Both emotionally, financially, and healthwise for my little Z and me. I injured my back. Her dad moved to NY. Financially his loss of a job has really put a dent in my checkbook. And working full time, trying not to go bankrupt, and taking care of Zoe while trying to take care of myself and still not lose my mind has been the most difficult challenge of my life.

But it's also been an absoutely sweet year. I lost some far-away friends, but I gained them locally tenfold. As a mother, with each challenge that we face, I've used it to become stronger and more confident that I am raising a beautiful, smart, kind, and amazing little girl who will know every day how special she is.

Through it all, my daughter has been my beacon. My light. She's comforted me and brings me so much joy every single day. My child has changed me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. And even though I sometimes doubt my skills as her mom, I feel I have become a better person and I know that we are doing ok. We will be ok. It may not always feel that way, but we are surviving and for the most part, life is really good.

Before Zoe, I never knew that being a mom would be so excrutiatingly hard and yet so meaningful. Every day I miss her every minute. When she's not around, I'm often relieved to get a break, yet still strangely sad and empty. I never imagined that I'd be where I am - a single, working mother - but here we are. And no matter how hard it's all been, my daughter is my constant. My focus and my heart.

I know that all parents think their children are special. There are mommyblogs everywhere to tell us about them. But I honestly think that there is something that makes Zoe universally loved. She is lovely. She is a joy. A wonder. And I think that everyone can see that my daughter truly is an extension of me. She really lives up to her name - Zoe... "Full of Life."

It's been so hard to do all of this alone. The failure of my marriage was devastating and something that I never thought would happen. And just when Zoe's dad and I finally started mending fences and actually working as a team to be parents to her, he moved away. When Zoe calls her dad it tears my heart out. She's been asking him to come to Texas for her birthday, but there is no way he can do it. And I know she misses him so much. She was just getting used to her every other weekends with her dad, but this has been the longest she's gone without seeing him.

And then God brought me my friends. The email I sent out to them, asking them to send her well wishes and cards for her birthday has really made her feel special. Each one brings a smile; you'd think she won the lottery or something. We've gotten cards and gifts from all over the world - From Hawaii to Norway and all places in between. It's really be so sweet.

Tonight (Sat) we went to two parties. A crawfish boil and then a game night (board games) at a friends house. My daughter had so much fun running and playing with all the other kids. All my friends were wishing her a happy birthday and even put five candles in a brownie and sang to her.

Today we are going to have birthday lunch with my sisters and their children, and then we are having a dinner at a restaurant near our house. So far I have about 60 people who have RSVP'd for dinner. I love my friends. And so does Zoe. She calls them "our" friends.

Today I feel very blessed. And honored to be Zoe's mom.

Happy Birthday, my lovely lovely girl.

All my love,
Mommy

-----------------------------

Zoe at 9 months. She was walking at this point.

Zoe dancing at my brother's wedding.

She's so pretty when she sleeps. Sometimes it makes me want to cry looking at this child.

The world would be a better place if everyone could see this smile every day.

Very blessed indeed.

Shut Up. I know

Debu_dorkfus is all in lurveeee.

Cause I'm an idiot like that.

I'll get over that soon. The love part, not the idiot part.

Um. No.

From email:

Deb -

You know I don't take sides in any feud you have with
Jed and Teresa. But they are my friends, and I am not
happy about you using two of my photos for a nasty and
childish attack. I'm asking you to please take them
down immediately.

Trust me when I tell you that in all the time I've
hung out with those two in the past year or so, they
have shown little to no interest in talking about you.
I am pretty sure that neither of them is doing
anything to harass you, and I honestly doubt anyone
from the IRC is out to get you.

I hope you're well. Sincerely. And normally you would
be welcome to use my photos. Just not for that.

- J

2005.03.09 21:19:40 151.204.157.3 Search: query for 'mullaney'
2005.03.09 21:25:40 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'mullaney'
2005.03.09 21:32:40 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'IRC'
2005.03.09 21:40:40 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'Jed'
2005.03.15 17:45:37 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'lying whore'
2005.03.15 17:46:13 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'ugly lying whore'
2005.03.15 17:46:44 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'fat ugly lying whore'
2005.03.15 22:58:36 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'donkey punch'
2005.03.15 23:09:39 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'jiggling fat on a lunatic'
2005.03.15 23:21:21 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'sagging hooters on a fat cum bucket'
2005.03.16 19:43:14 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'doesn't it make you sad to be hated by so many people'

Ok, Sorry they had to be *your* photos, but I honestly don't really care.

I really find it funny that within less than a week of taking down passwords that I have had on my journal for nearly a year, all of a sudden I'm getting searches on my site for IRC-related stuff and pot shot insults. And I honestly don't know of anyone that "creative" other than an IRCer to use those Jed-like insults on my blog directed at me.

Nor do I know anyone that is even mad at me anymore. I've made my peace with anyone willing to make peace. Because I've moved on and remembered where my priorities lie. When I had my blog shut down with passwords, I almost never had any searches.

BTW, the IP address for 62.132.1.121 comes from a site called __________.com. It's a way people can log onto a site (mine) and read and search and comment anonymously. The IP address is traced back to some phony site in the Netherlands. So far it's blocked off my site, but I'm sure they will still find a way to log on there.

I have been off the IRC for over a year. I put passwords on my site to keep people out (like Jed, etc.) because they were leaving comments. Teresa used to write things in her journal back then that were direct comments on things that were related to me. She can say that she wasn't, but it was curious how after putting up my passwords, she completely stopped doing that.

I don't give a good goddamn about many on there other than a handful of nice people that I met when I was there last March. I still correspond with a few, but none would have any interest in even searching on IRC-related stuff because I don't write (or give a shit) about anyone from there other than to say I miss Burns or Booki or others.

Personally I wonder why you or anyone else would give a shit what I say about Jed or Teresa in my blog. I'm just some bitch from Texas who has nothing to do with any of you. I can't believe anyone even reads it other than the few off-topic journalers who have been reading it the entire time (Bookie, Thorn, Burns).

If they or you don't like it, there's a whole internet full of stuff elsewhere to peruse. My lame journal shouldn't mean anything to any of you or any of the other IRCers.

So unless someone else decides to fess up to the searches and comments, the pictures stay. I'll just assume the culprits are who I suspected in the first place.

I don't edit my blog for anyone. Sorry. Not even you. It got me banned and my journal pulled before because of it, but you know what? It's my site and I can write whatever the fuck I want to.

Ha! Just When You Give Up...

How is a girl supposed to work all day after a night like that one?

Bed at 5am - up at 6:45. Shit, I'm going to be draggin ass.

Holy hell. The Boy is just fucking sexy. Just too beautiful.

Even after this entire time, he still amazes me. He was a lucky lucky boy last night. I love to make him smile.

He made me laugh and then he made me cry. How is it that a nearly 38 year old woman can be so moved to tears? So gentle. So loving. I could kiss him for days.

We really need an entire weekend together. That would be worth every penny.

I'm a happy girl today.

Yay for drunk dials.

Boo for long drives home. Poor dear talked to me nearly the whole drive home just to stay awake. I truly hate that and it scares me to death.

I wish it were easy to move. It's not.

He wants to move to an island or a beach somewhere with me. If only I could make that happen. I think I'd be the happiest girl in the world.

Merry Christmas with a Whip!

Me So Horny

Friday - Mom's night off. Dude working late. DAMN.

Saturday - Packed with events - 2 for the day. No esss mom's night off. DAMN!

Sunday - Packed with events - 2 for the day. Zkat's 5th bday.

No sex for you!

I want to get a house. Near the Boy.

And I want him to move his ass in it.

Because if he were there, we'd be getting a lot of freak on. Middle of the night, kid is asleep freak on. Good morning, nice to meet you in the shower, get your freak on.

This Boy definitely has brought out the inner freak.

AND GODDAMNIT I WANT TO USE IT.

So close and yet so far

Tonight.

"I hope you don't think I've been ignoring you. I had a bunch of phone calls to make and for some reason you are always the one I call first. Because I think about you the most."

"That's because I give the best blow jobs."

Now if I could just find some way to make a date with him. He's got a funky work schedule. I can't seem to get the right nights off.

He wants me to move closer to him. I'd love to. I'd love to see him every day. But I've never lived over on that side of town. I know nothing about that area. And I don't think it would be wise to move just so I could see him more. As it is, he's an hour and a half away. I'd drive that all the time just to see him if I could. But I understand that it's not convenient and sometimes downright dangerous late at night (which it always is).

He knows that. But I know he would see me much more if I lived nearer to him.

I find myself missing him. I really do.

Hmmmm IP Alert

Based on what the person from 62.132.1.121 anonymously searched on (using an anti-cookie website), and the lame insults he tried to use, I will (probably correctly) assume that it was Jed or some other IRCer.

I can't imagine anyone else that pathetic and who will never let it go. Well except maybe his mannish tranny-looking girlfriend.

If I'm wrong, oh well. Who gives a fuck about them?

I Just Love Hate Mail

2005.03.15 17:46:44 62.132.1.121 Search: query for 'fat ugly lying whore'

Gosh, I'd like to thank the Academy, my first grade kindergarden teacher Mrs. Dopplefeld, my drama coach in San Antonio, and my best friend Sheila who in the fourth grade taught me about cooters and getting my period and how to be a 'fat ugly lying whore.'

Sweet.

IP 62.132.1.121, I just love trolls and pussy bitches like you. I eat them for lunch.

Now someone give me something fun to write about.

Thank you that Today was not the Day

I'm nearly 38.

Last week I did something I thought I'd never be doing at the age of nearly 38.

I bought a pregnancy test.

Holy McFuck, Batgirl! Did you really?

Yeah, I really did. And I'm sure it was all my prayers to God to heal Pope John Paul that made that damn test come out NEGATIVE. Thank you oh wrinkly Pope John that there was only one line instead of two.

Now before you all go jumping my shit about getting myself even close to being knocked up there is an explanation.

I take a fuckload of meds for my diabetes. Some prescription and some that are supplements.

I've also been on the Pill for a bazillion years.

So last month the red sea wasn't so much of a red sea. Then this month, I stopped taking the active pills and then waited during the inactive week... and waited... and waited. Usually I get Aunt Flo about two days into that week o' white pills.

And other than that one screwup that left me with the 27 day period from hell, I'm like a freaking calendar. Regular as they come.

So on day four of no red, I took myself a little trip and went Krogering.

Was really fun (er, not) to have to have them unlock the cabinet and then try to decide between generic brand and the spensive $16.95 brand.

Anyway, I would have never done it, but I was thinking that maybe some of my supplements or meds had interferred with the Pill. I mean, I'm a safety girl, but even those buggers don't work all the time. And I take the pill EXACTLY as directed. That is one thing I don't want to mess up.

One line though. Whew. I wanted to make a big sign and hang it in my car window: NOT PREGGERS!

I left The Boy for Sex a message the night before about having to talk to him to break the jinx. I knew that if I told someone my suspicion about being pregnant, it would make the bitch come. Either that or make a date for sex. That usually does it.

So after the test came up negativo, I had called The Boy for Sex. Said mucho congratulations were in order. I don't think I've ever heard a more relieved person. Well, except for me.

I love the dude (in the same way I have much love for you all). And in a perfect world, he would make a beautiful dad and husband. But for now, and probably never again, will I ever be a new mom. Nor is there enough of a relationship between us to even make that happy family scenario an option.

Then. Of course. Later that night, thar she flows...

Just like when you bring your car to the mechanic. Makes all kinds of noise before, but when you take it in, she be quiet.

Bitch.

But Goddamn I was certainly happy to see that bitch!

A bit more political and pissy ....

I read today at Autumnville a rant about abortions and being a baby killer. Well I can tell you all right now that would probably be my only option. TBFS isn't quite ready at age 30 to have the ol' snip snip, and me with my craptastic diabetes is not about to risk an operation to get my tubes tied nor am I ready for another high risk pregnancy. (yes. try 3 shots a day, 8 finger pricks a day, strict diet, near diabetic shock twice, weekly visits to my OBGYN, and exhaustion not known to man).

And unless I won the lottery so that I could be a SAHM, the thought of having to take yet another child to daycare is a nightmare.

I think I'm as careful as careful can be during sex. Abstinance is not going to be an option, because, hello fuckers, I'm not about to become a nun.

So no offense to Ms. AVille, but it's easy to think about having 19481309 babies when you don't have to do it all on your own. OR you don't have to take them all to daycare when they are sick because you have an asshat of a boss that needs you to get your documents out. Or to feel the guilt about being a working mother. It's abnormal to be a working mom. Especially when your kids are sick.

If I was a SAHM and had a great hubby too, diabetes be damned, I would probably have at least one if not four more kids. I love them. Even when there are a bunch of them.

But some of us never thought we'd be in this situation. I never in a million years thought I'd be a single mom. And I'm sure I'm not alone. I know many of my single mom friends were just as shocked to find ourselves where we are now.

It's really easy to shout BABYKILLER, but c'mon. Be a realist. You can do whatever it is in your power to not get pregnant and still sometimes that shit fails.

And yay. Bitches. I know that abstinance is 100% effective, but try it for a few months. Or YEARS. Because YES some of us went without for YEARS. Moi - try 3 YEARS of no sex. As a grown woman, it's NOT NORMAL to go without. It changes your life and who you are. It makes you cranky. And a shitty shitty mom.

No. Listen here. No one wants to have an abortion. I know the naysayers say that there are women out there that have like 20 of them and use them as birth control. And trust me. You all should be glad that hookers like that don't keep having kids.

But I know of at least 4 women who have done it. And in each case it was an agonzing decision. Agonizing. But none were in the position to quit their jobs to go off and put their kid up for adoption. Nor was it a good time to be a mom - for whatever the reason.

So sit back in your comfy chairs and think whatever it is you want to think of us, but please stay out of our pussies. (I feel the same way about pro-lifers - until you are ready to put your money where your mouth is & say adopt a kid or pay the bills of an unwed mom, shut the hell up!)

It's not your life. And until you want to fork up the funds to pay my bills while I:

1. Go through an unwanted and highly dangerous pregnancy so I can put my baby up for adoption - HA!

2. Pay for my expenses while I take the time off to have the child, and then to explain to my coworkers & friends and family and my child why I have a baby I am not going to keep,

3. Take care of my child for me while I'm going through this pregnancy

then please keep your judgements to yourself.

And not trying to be a bitch, but seriously... you never know when you could find yourself right here in my shoes. Or sadder yet, your husband could die and then you find yourself on your own with no help. Again, no one wanted to be here, but here we are.

And there are a lot of us.

So please, until you have looked at it from someone else's side, you might want to try to be a bit less judgmental. You never know what anyone else is going through until you've been there done that (and yes, I have been a SAHM so I know of what I speak.)

God forbid we don't appreciate what we have.

Go hug your significant others today. And you might want to give them a blowjob while your at it (seeing that it is STEAK and BJ day and all). Because I can tell you that there are plenty of women that would steal him from you in like .00065 seconds.

Peace and pussies to you all.

Yipeee!!!!

I just got a bonus check. We just closed out 2 projects. It's the biggest one I've ever gotten, but goddamn, I sure needed it.

And the timing could NOT be any better. I swear I have been so broke it's not funny. I spent most of yesterday setting aside toys, books, clothes, anything that I could sell somehow.

I hadn't even paid the daycare from last week. I wasn't sure if I was even going to have enough money to do so. And I haven't been buying one of my 1084239 medications because it is so expensive. Re-using the syringe tips for my insulin shots. Stupid shit like that. Eating peanut butter & cheap food so I could pay my electric bill.

And now I can actually get Zoe a birthday present. Six more days. We've been celebrating every day since March 1st. Just little notes and pictures I've been giving her. Wrapping up these little presents I've stashed from happy meals and stuff. I didn't have enough money to buy anything but maybe a cake mix. And now I can reenroll her in gymnastics at her daycare ($45). Yay!!!!

I honestly feel like crying, I'm so happy.

Still. I'm sure it won't go that far. I'm just not making it anymore. So even though I'm so tempted to go blow it, I've got to save it. And pay off bills and such.

And if you have cards for Zbaby, please send them. She just got a postcard from Germany and a letter from London. You have NO idea how excited she gets to get the mail :)

Peace and Presents for you all.

More MTV

Ok, what is it about the Simpson girls?

Someone get them some mylanta. STAT!

I don't watch their shows all that often, but every time both of them have gas. Or are on their way to the can. Ashlee just cut the cheese in her limo with her boyfriend.

I guess the producers think it would be great to show cute girls farting. It's like that Jenny Mccarthey chick. Dorky. Sexy. Funny. And farts like a Dallas Cowboy lineman.

Sad when you have to hand your cute blonde girlfriend a box of Gas-X.

She may be cute, but her ass - she stink.

Ok, next time you watch Ashlee on her show, compare her speech pattern with that of George W. Bush. They talk. In sentences. Like two or. Three words. At a. Time.

Must change channel. I'm losing brain cells as I type.

Test Test Motherfarkin Test

Ok, this is cool. Sassypants is the best chick EVAH!

You can clicky the little popup thingy like so Pop Goes the Zoe

Or you can just plaster pictures of your kid all about.

No. She's not Jon Benet. And no. She's not wearing makeup.

And then there are the thumbnail pictures - woo!

How's that for a Zoe Baby?

Who be you?

2005.03.09 21:19:40 151.204.157.3 Search: query for 'mullaney'

2005.03.10 04:05:15 24.206.224.84 Search: query for '2783'

Ok, what is 2783 and why does it mean anything?

Bo to the Ring

Warning: random MTV comments. The boob tube is on.

There are a bazillion blogs nowadays. Seems as if all the cool kids have 'em.

Some are just so gosh darn interactive. They've got links in the text, links on the sides, stick figure drawings of boobies, graphics, photo albums, different skins, and posted pictures.

I don't know anyone, well if anyone, around here actually uses Movable Type for their blogs but me. I just log in and type this crap.

I'm just stuck with my words. Seems pretty boring to me. I don't think I've had any good stories lately. Most of my posts have been spastic. And my rants have been lacking their rantiness. I mean hell, I haven't even used the word cunt in months.

I just want to post a picture. How do I do that?

Why is making this site look cool so complex to me. I read about polychlorinated biphynals for a living, you'd think I could add in a bit o' script here and there.

All those MTV chicks have fake boobs. I want me some fake boobs. I want to wear a shirt with some half cantelopes sticking out.

Today I picked up Zoe. She's going to have her eyes and hearing checked tomorrow. When her friend's mom, Blondie, and I were talking about it, Zoe started immediately freaking. She got ear tubes as a kid, but ever since then she freaks at all things medical. On the way home she started crying, then said, "Mommy, what if they want to take my eyeballs out?"

It was hard not to laugh.

Ok, MTV is on. These RW/RR challenges are so lame. These people are such pussies. I'd love to see them whine like that at a real job.

I had so many ambitions to log on here, look up a recipe for chicken or cheese enchiladas and then go make them.

So instead, I sat here, read some bloggage, ate like 10 thin mints (girl scout cookies are the devil. I usually buy them, then give them to the folks at work - like the mailroom and repro. Instead like an asshole, I kept a box), and now I'm sitting here trying to think of something interesting to type.

I have laundry to do. I need to go make my lunch. And I need to get Z in the tub.

Zoe's class is on Spring Break. Even though she's in daycare, it's a private prekindergarden, they still get a break. You know, from coloring frogs and learning subtraction. So they got to go on a field trip to the park. I went to pick her up and she's got mud all over her shirt. Turns out she fell on her ass at the park. Her pants are one big slog of mud.

Ashlee Simpson deserves to get hemorroids. I know plenty of moms that get them after they have kids, but if anyone deserves them, it's her.

That kid Landon is hot. What a tool though.

Ok, I have to go be productive. There is way too much guilt associated with this post. My laundry is crying out to be washed. So is my kid.

Good to see you round, Thorn. I miss you girlies.

P.S. Anyone that wants to send Zoe a birthday card for my project, I'd love to have you all do it. Just email me and I'll send you the address.

Ciao.

Friday, March 11th

I think we should declare it post a comment on a stranger's blog day.

Because since I've opened this back up to the public, I've gotten some really cool comments. One that may actually lead me in the right direction to teaching (thanks Ms. Alison). All from people that I don't know.

So go to your favorites, follow some links or click on a commentors blog and go post a comment.

It's weird and freakishly fun to do that.

Super Nanny

There are so many reality tv shows I would LOVE to be on ... just that I never want to be on tv. Too bad I hate having my picture taken.

I was watching Super Nanny last night. All I could see happening there is that SN would yell at me for having zero structure or routine in Casa Deb y Zoe.

But we don't get home the same time every night. Sometimes we come straight home, and are there around 6:30 - 7pm. Other times we go to the gym and don't get home until after 8:30. Still other times we go out to dinner and don't get home until between 7 - 8.

I suck at schedules. I am a complete time waster. Which is wild because I'm hugely organized at work. And I *can* be hugely organized at home. I was when I was single.

It's the main reason why I don't want to be in a relationship right now.

I think it's a symptom of where I am in life right now. Not sure. I feel like I have ADD although I know I do not.

Crap. Work calls. Best earn my keep.

Peace and poppycocks to you all.

Adonde?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm having SAHM envy. I'm tired of working my ass off just to spend no time with my kiddo. Or to be at work when it's slow like it is. Talk about boredom.

It feels completely unnatural. Really it does.

I read the mommyblogs and they all are up to their eyeballs in laundry, kid poop, the drone of it all and how it can get sometimes.

But I really want to be there. Sitting at this desk all day reading about it makes me want to stay home all day. I want to be doing my laundry. Because there's nothing worse than being at work all day when you know you have stuff to do at home. I want to cook dinner and be all Stepford. And when I get home, I'm too tired to do all the things I plan to in my head. Like make spinach enchiladas. Or make a beautiful salad. Or finger paint with my child.

I'm obviously burnt out on this job. I was thinking about seeing if my dad can help me bail out. To see if the trust would pay my bills and my tuition so I could go back and get teacher certified. I've checked into that program a few times, and unless I have a sugar daddy or a nanny to watch Zoe while I'm in classes, I am not sure if I could make it work on my own.

Although I heard that once you were on track it was easier to find a teaching job.

I need benefits though, so I can't quit and substitute teach.

Shit. I just need to win the lottery.

So while you SAHMs are out there, have a good day for me today, ok? I'm missing my kid every minute today.

Or bitches, someone find me a man that wants a SAHM as a wife. I like sex. I like to do laundry. I like to clean my house. And I like Sears power tools as gifts.

Debutizzle

http://www.gizoogle.com/index.php

That is hella funny.

for shizzle

Hillary Duff is Satan's Spawn Incarnate

Zoe got her first taste of the rodeo. And 72,000 screaming ass Hillary tweenager fans.

Mom got an eyeful of sexy divorced dads being the good dad and bringing their girls to the concert.

But the screaming was a bit much to take with the hangover from hell.

I am having a hard time working. But what's new. I really just need a good ol' fashioned nap.

A nooner would be terrific right about now. But that's just me.

Mom's All Shakin' Ass

Ok, I dressed like a girl. A little hoochie. A little sexy. A little girly.

And I loved it.

No, I didn't get naked, but I danced my ass off. Then later on ran into The Boy for Sex. Danced a bit with him, goofed off with my friend Blondie, and ended up at some ghetto ass afterparty.

TBFS had to go drive back out to freaking bumfuck country, so we didn't get to have TBFS sex, but we did do a bit o' makin out.

He said I looked really pretty and smelled wonderful. He licked me.

Goddamn he's a sexy dancer. He's just fucking sexy.

I was kinda sexy too.

I really wish sometime we could go on a date and I could act like a real date should.

Overall, it was fun, if not very jagermeistered.

Oh. And I'm shitfaced. Could you guess?

Someone Put Some Hoochie in My Pants

Ok, I have sex. As often as I can.

But if you ever see me in public, I look like a fucking librarian. I'm invisible. No one looks at me. I have shoes that my friends call "instant birth control." I don't show boobs, I don't show legs (probably because I have the legs of a linebacker), and while I will wear tight pants, I usually wear them with a fucking tunic-like shirt. I might as well be wearing a bourka.

SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLE-Y, PLEASE NOMINATE ME FOR 'WHAT NOT TO WEAR.' I SWEAR TO YOU!!

I'd love 5K worth of designer duds and a free trip to NYC. It would be worth getting humiliated to come out with something chic and sexy.

I have the most boring, hideous clothing known to man.

Why?

Because I never buy anything anymore. And when I do, tis' all kind of buttoned up.

Just for once I'd love to pretend to be my girl sugarsnit and dress all kinds of sassy. Sexy. And be comfortable doing it.

I wish I had some big honkin boobies to shove up to my chin. All my friends have boobs galore, and while I'm not like boyish by any means, and they are still pretty and a bit perky, they still aren't even big enough to shove together to make some cleavage. I don't even have the cleave.

I think I need to drink *before* I get dressed sometime. Then I can unleash my inner slut.

It would help if I didn't have things that covered every inch of flesh.

I am going to try to get bold. I'm going to go spend money I don't have. (I can't even talk about that matter now because it makes me shutter).

Memememe

I stole from someone I'm not going to link. I don't like traces to my amigas.

Ok, some of these I've posted before. But it's a slow blog day.

I've got to unpassword this beyotch. There's not much traffic anymore and it makes it kind of weird to write for the 3 of you that are reading still.

I think no one likes typing lickmybutt19times.

X THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE DONE AND THEN REPOST.

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
(x) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
( ) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
( ) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) made out in an elevator
( ) slept in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
(x) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
( ) done the splits
( ) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
(x) had an IV
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) stole something from your job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) slept with a co-worker
(x) been married
( ) gotten divorced
(x) had children
(x) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Cut yourself on purpose
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

Happy Birthday Month, Zoe Baby

I have sent an email to most of my friends, but I was hoping everyone could send Zoe a postcard or card or something in the mail for her birthday, which is March 20th.

She loves to get mail, but especially mail with her name on it.

So if you want our address, email me at:

debsterc(at)earthlink(dot)net.

I'd really love it if some of my IRC friends could send her cards too. But I'm too afraid to email anyone on the site and I am not sure if I have their non-IRC emails anymore.

anyway...

She's been kind of glum since her dad has been gone to NY. Last night she asked if she would have to have a new mom if something happened to me. And was asking who would take care of her.

I told her she has a really big family and if anything ever happened, she could live with one of them - Like either one of my sister's families.

It was a tough thing to hear.