debutaunt.com

I'm still sweating Jello

Ok.

Part dread, part excitement - that's how I felt going into this whole camping thing.

But even though I've never sweated nor smelled that bad in my entire life, I had a great time.

Just goes to show you, it's not where you are, but who you are with.

So here it is, a campy summary, haiku style:

On the camp site:

Through that dense forest
Driving with trepidation
Strangely beautiful

I show up ready
Our tent was waiting for us
My friends are so sweet

Tarps, tents, food galore
We ate better than at home
At casa Debu

Grilled turkey and corn
Breakfast tacos and sausage
Fajitas so rocked

That is not camping
Like a nice five star hotel
Except with some smores

Felt good to get out
Plenty of walking there too
Just dodge the boy scouts

On the nearest toilet facility aka Zoë’s introduction to the portable can

Port-o-smellies suck
Sharing with funky boy scouts
Zoë grossed out too

Ewwww mom there's poop there
Don't use number two; it stinks
Leave the door open

Mom, why does the sink
Not have any faucets there?
(It’s a urinal)

Later she warns me
Explosive diarrhea
Stay out of that one!

On the company of friends:

Snorting, laughing, fun
Hikes in the woods with rednecks
Damn my water broke

Fuck the vicodan
My pores were sweating jello
Meant to kill the bitch

Fishing with Medic
Kiddos swimming in Ick Lake
Our “guys” were awesome

Zoë ran around
Posse kept an eye on her
Those ladies kick ass

Slept like a baby
Until some bug woke me up
Flitting in my nose

Covered in bug bites
Calamine lotion ahoy
Itchy but worth it

Medic, D1, Paige
You camp freaks are so awesome
Now I’m in the cult

Nic, KK, LK
So much fun to haunt the woods
Boyscouts, rednecks, yo

Dudes! Nate and Travis
You’re too young to “sleep” so much
You both cracked me up

Orgi in pigtails
Zoë wants a tattoo now
“Just like Ms. Courtney”

Red, Aimmers, Darth J
If the tent is a knockin
It is B Foo Foo

And then there is Shrugs
Just a big ol grillin fool
Next time stay the night

Was worth all the sweat
Prison showers, sand and all
Just to see my Zo

May I go swimming?
She whispers into my ear
“You’re the greatest mommy, ever!” (ok, I broke a haiku rule, but that one sentence alone made it all worth it all)

Happy and playing
Swimming, fishing, camping out
Port O’Connor rules

I had a great time
This goofy camping wussy
And I’m craving smores

Bring it on sucka
I can take the out of doors
But only with you all!

So, when's the next trip?

Early Weekend

Tell your boss you have period cramps and have to go home now.

It's a fucking ghost town in my office. I have done all my work.

I'm leaving.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to camping hell I go.
No time to say hello goodbye

Wait. Wait. Hold the fuck up. I fail mommy school. I'm mixing up my fucking kiddy songs.

Anyway, I'm off to pitch a tent. And eat smores. Schmorrrreeeeesss.

In 95 degree heat.

Such the fun weather to eat schmorrreeeeeeeeeeeees.

Stop searching on terms on my blog, por favor shizzlenor, ya lamers. I will never see any of you fucking New Yorkers again, so move the fuck on.

And then go eat 4 buckets of fried chicken and fart.

Or just go eat a dick.

Whichever you prefer, Mr. or Mrs. State Farm "IRC" searcher.

I wonder if your company likes you reading blogs on company time?

Luke. I am Your Father

Zoe graduated last night.

From preschool. I hopefully will be able to upload pictures soon because they were damn cute.

She is just damn cute.

You Just Don't Know the Power of the Dark Side.

I'm kind of getting excited about this camping thing. If I can get my SUV loaded up with the gear, all will be well.

Whiskers Ahoy!

In keeping with the awesomeness that is the Sarcastic Journalist, I will remind you all of my favorite online game/quiz. Please, you must give it a quick try.

NAME THAT BEARDDDD

I just played it again, and scored a 100%. I really know my facial hair.

Yes. I agree. Tom Cruise is sooooo gay.

And IMO, from my personal observations, so is Troy Aikman.

Albino

I'm just fucked.

Went to dinner near Gander Outdoors or whatever. Looked around a bit at camping stuff. Zoe wanted to shop some (I got the most hideous cowboy hat) so we went around the store a bit.

Mother of God, I have never felt so fucking WHITE in my life.

Everyone there has like year round tan. All sporty and campy. All the shoppers were tan and rugged.

Even with fake tanner I could never even be that tan.

I will be living under the tarp. I plan on sunscreening my eyeballs.

I think I will be giving in to the alcohol this weekend. It will make me forget the heat and not care that I look like a circus freak in my sweaty camp gear.

Convos With Strangers

A random stranger. Or at least I'd like to think that.

A Boy: Wanna make out?

deb_u: sure. Meet me under the stairwell on the 14th floor

[aside]When I IM from work, they get a message from our IT department that anything they say can be archived.

A Boy: Is our conversation being monitored by Federal Agents?

deb_u: just the FBI and the CIA

A Boy: Oh, so I probably shouldn't tell you that the guns and crack you were looking to buy have arrived and will be available for pick-up tonight at the shipyards?
A Boy: The password is "rowboat".

deb_u: sweet

A Boy: You're too old to use expressions like "sweet". From now on, use "resplendent."

deb_u: ah
deb_u: k
deb_u: fucker

A Boy: Don't be vulgar, dear. Boys don't kiss girls with potty mouths.

deb_u: some do
deb_u: and they are glad they do

A Boy: Yeah, I'd still stick my tongue in your mouth.

deb_u: so, Mr. Puritan.... Do I know you?

A Boy: Thou durst not!
A Boy: But thou should, forsooth!

deb_u: you are too young to say forsooth

A Boy: Yeah...I'm a lot younger than you, Grannie.

deb_u: I have my hip replacement surgery next week
deb_u: can you come bring me some food at the hospital?

A Boy: Can I sleep with you whilst you're convalescing?

deb_u: just don't knock the hip out of its joint

A Boy: Enough with this tomfoolery! When are you going to let me get all up in yo butt?

deb_u: ha
deb_u: freak

A Boy: ...shutup.
A Boy: Truth or dare?

deb_u: I can't play with a total stranger
deb_u: you could be my boss or my friends ex boyfriend or some crazy shit like that

A Boy: Or I could be your bosses ex boyfriend's friend.
A Boy: Insert an apostrophe in the appropriate spot

We had a bit more of the convo, but I think our IT guys didn't like the flirting. When he asked what I was wearing, I replied granny panties and a bra with cups the size of his head.

Guess I should have said a pink pushup bra and a thong?

Our Government at its Finest

Ok, so rapists and other sex offenders IN JAIL can get reimbursed through medicaid for VIAGRA (which we pay for with our tax dollars), yet my father (a career serviceman/vet) spends hundreds out of pocket on cancer and other drugs.

And we wonder why people would rather cheat the system than actually work for a living.

May or Hell?

May 23, 2005 - 95 degrees

Fuck Texas. We have 90 degrees from now until October.

Homos in the woods

Glad you both stalked in this afternoon:

Host: varick-119-218.180varickstreet.com

post.indian-river.k12.fl.us

He sure got a purdy mouth.

Although I know they both squeal like pigs

YOU

For the Love of Humanity - Don't Breed

That is all.

I'm Insane

Ok.

Proof that I love my child.

I am going camping this weekend.

You know. Like in the woods and stuff. Near a lake. With other crazy peeps like me.

It's going to be 2,000 degrees outside, but I'll get my Zoe some fresh air if it damn near kills me.

I haven't camped in like 20 years.

Camping tips are appreciated.

I'm actually kind of excited to be doing something.

Too bad I'll be camping all high on vicodan.

Poachers

Troll Feeding. I know. But it amuses me somewhat.

Imagine if you will

A world where you are constantly ducking and moving about. Being followed. Stalked. And it's like everyone sees every move you make.

And it's not that you are being followed or detailed by strangers.

No. They are people you know. Well actually ... knew. Once upon a time.

Some you liked before, then you grew to hate them. Well hate really isn't the word. Possibly a strong dislike. Now you feel apathy or even sometimes pity for these people. Basically nothingness. It's not like they are a part of my current life. Nor do I run into them or their circlejerk of peers.

Because it seems like all the Ghosts of Fucktards Past have been lingering on my journal. Coming here just to see the minutiae that is my life.

And it's not just them. It's their ugly tranny-looking girlfriends, or their psycho pill popping wife cheating friends. Bitter exes. Ex-friends. Ex-whatevers. Shitholes of humanity.

What is the impetus for them to come here? Boredom? Curiosity? A sadistic pleasure of some sort?

One [who is a halfway nice guy] said he came here to hear "the other side of the story." Well since the whole story was never here, and that it was infinitely worse than anything I ever wrote about, the whole story will never be known. I don't write about everything. He was sick and a sick fuck. He was cruel to me. And it's over and I hope to God to never see or deal with his ugly and psycho ass again.

Another jackhole said:

"I continue to read your journal because you continue to insult me..." Is it me, or does this not make sense? You're a dick. I don't ever have to see you anymore. You don't even live in my state. Christ on a cracker. I'm sure in my life I will never see you again.

And if you didn't come in here and passive aggressively insult me (by your [or your tard girlfriend] lame searches), there would be no insults. It's not like I've even written about you in the longest time. I don't care. I don't date fatboys anymore. Especially repulsive ones. So your girl's assertions that I'm jealous is dead wrong. You two are, and have been, perfect for eachother from the getgo. You both are ugly and douchebags. It's like saying someone is jealous of a wet pile of dog shit.

Personally I think they are basically a bunch of losers that have nothing better to do. They must be unhappy with their lives and find some type of glee in peeking in on mine.

I know it's a public website. I know it's odd to write about the details of your life and then complain when someone reads about them. But there are a million, no wait billion other websites you could troll.

It's like living next door to every ex* that you dated or every guy that you fucked, and not only that, it's like having their inlaws and new girlfriends and new friends all asking to come over for dinner or use your bathroom. "Can I borrow your used tampons?"

Do you all stalk all your exes? Or do they all write about what a sad sack of shit you are? Because um... maybe it's YOU.

People. I'm not that interesting. I'm pretty boring. Really. If you read this site you'd know it.

I wake up and hug my kid. We eat breakfast and watch PBS together. Then I work all day at a fairly mundane job that I don't hate - but I like it somewhat, then I go home, pick up my kid, feed her dinner, get her ready for bed and then we read books. Sometimes I watch tv or I read my friend's blogs (Hi Mrs. Fer, Hi Thornthestudette, hi SJ, Hi Cursing Mama, Ms. Pants). I post some snark on a few forums and hit the sack. I go to church when I can. I pray. On the weekends we go to the park or the beach or a museum or the zoo or my sister's house to babysit. I have sex when I can, I talk on the phone alot to my dude, and once in a while I get out to go dancing. It's a pretty damn good life. But it's not worthy of your visiting here.

Think about it. Just step away from the computer and go live your lives ya douchebags!

*although there are quite a few of my exes that I am still friendly with. I actually talk to a few of them. No beefs.

Ghetto Brittney

Bored last night. Still waiting on my SFU Season 3 (which I think should be in tonight). So I watched UPN.

The Top Model Search show, then Brittney and Kevin's Trailer Trash Home Video.

I used to think that the early Brittney was cute in a big boobed cheerleader fake kind of way.

Now. Holy crap she's so trashy.

1. I was thinking that maybe this show would portray why she likes Kevin. To show him in a better light. I don't think there IS a better light. Dude looks like a AIDS victim or a homeless bum. He's totally ghetto, and can't hold a conversation. But the sex ... "it's ecstasy!" I half expected her to get a video of him taking a dump with a cig in his mouth while looking at a Playboy. I think she did actually get one of him takin a piss, but I wasn't sure.

2. She is surrounded by "yes" people. Each person she interviewed looked at her like they wanted to just bitch slap her. I guess they know where their paychecks come from, so they don't tell her retarded ass to fuck off.

3. Brit. Smoking. Makes her look even more disgusting.

4. Honey, you have enough money to get some good facials. Go to a dermatologist. Stat.

5. She's gotten the opposite effect of Bennifer. Remember when Ben Affleck started going all GQ and mantanned when he dated J-ho? Well Brit has been hit with the tacky stick.

6. She talks about sex like a horny junior high school boy. "I had sex 3 times today!" Woo for you hooka. The show really needed a warning.

She scares me. And to think that Christina Aguilera actually is engaged to someone half normal.

I think today will be the longest day in the history of longest days.

Here you go mooboy

So. You've "moved on." Will you stop reading my blog now?

Because retards, it's been a year. You've "moved on." (more like mooooved on, heiffer)

Obviously you haven't. Because you are a twisted fuck and think I write about you every day or something.

Uh. No thanks. I like my men sans disgusting.

There had been maybe a handful (of the over 450 entries here) that rant on you. Most of them were ages ago. I don't even think about the IRC much anymore, nor do I visit very often, if at all. So fucker, as my fucking hilarious Cali blog chick says.... It's sooooo not about you. Don't flatter yourself.

You know, I would have been happy to go on writing about all the boring things I write about except some dipshit came on here and thought he'd (or she or even the she that be a he) would be all funny and try to anonymously insult me.

Well except there are these little things called IP addresses. And the cool Cpanel tells me who all visits here and what they read and how long they read and what they search on.

So go on and "move on" elsewhere. I have a no fatboy policy round these here parts.

And take your shehesheebie with you.

Six Second Rule

Random

I just dropped some sugar free Trident white on my office floor. I still chewed it. I'm gross like that.

When I drink, I should have my cell phone taken away from me as opposed to my keys. Especially if I mix my pain cocktail with some vino. I called my homie TexasTodd after supper club Saturday night. I wish I could have a transcription of that drunk ass convo.

I just purchased some George Foreman grillin' machine books online. I made some burgers last night and Zoe devoured them. I told her they were steak burgers.

My new favorite blog (after the kickassomeness of Ms. Pants, who I shall not link at her request) is Piehole. She's fuckin hilarious.

I am also missing the comedy stylings of the Sarcastic Journalist who is on a well deserved vaca in Disney right now.

I haven't seen The Boy for Sex for a while. Thusly, I am very grouchy. Do not piss me off. He assures me that I shall be seeing a bit more of him really soon. Let's hope so.

I got an offer to have someone sex me up Saturday night. I turned him down, but would have liked the company. His pants have seen too many of my friend's floors, however, for me to consider his kind offer. He is sexy, but it's not gonna happen.

Sunday I slept in a bit, then went to pick up Zoe from Sis #2s casa. She got some new work done on her casa, and it looks pretty spiffy. I could tell Zoe had a great time over there. We then shopped at Kroger (yay! for Krogers with Starbucks in them) and then went home. We were going to wash my SUV, but my back was kicking ass and I took some meds and passed the fuck out.

Zoe was busy coloring and playing with all the Barbies she got for her Birthday. When I woke up from my sleep of death, we jumped in the pool. It was this side of way too fucking cold, but we swam anyway. I'm working on teaching her.

Overall the weekend was slow, but still somewhat charming.

Why can't work weeks be only four days long? I can't wait for my next weekend and it's only Monday.

May 17th

May 17th. My boy is going to turn five. I've been babysitting my nephew since he was four months old.

My sister had shingles then. She was at home with her son, but since she had shingles she had a hard time taking care of him. Not to mention, he had not been vaccinated yet for the chicken pox virus, which is the same strain as the shingles virus, so it wasn't safe her him to be exposed to it.

I was unemployed at the time (somewhat by choice), so I started helping her out. I've been babysitting him ever since. My daughter calls him her brother.

He's the smartest kid I've ever seen. He could read before he was two. He wrote Zoe's name when he was only 18 months old. Now he is naming the solar system and studying the presidents.

He is exhausting though. He gets into everything. So curious. But it's also so totally sweet when he gets tired. He'll come up to you and snug all up.

He's the closest thing to a son that I have. I love that little (ok, so he's like 50 lbs) big dude.

Happy Birthday, Jacksy. I love you!

May 17th is also the release of Season 3 of Six Feet Under. Woo. I can't wait. I'm all caught up now.

Life as You Know It

If you have truly moved on, then why are you (or someone you know) still stalking my blog?

Freaks.

Fuck off, ya sad sacks of shit.

A Day in the Life

A list that is over 10 years old.

I drive like a maniac
I hang things from doorknobs
I am not easily impressed
I don't like eggs
I hate station wagons with fake paneling
I like cotton underwear
I feel safer with my watch on
I like getting letters
I prefer trees to bushes - this however does not apply to azeleas
I like fiction better than non fiction
I prefer the old Star Trek to the new one (I prefer neither now)
I like living alone
I buy myself flowers
I rarely open my mail
I love to make my bed but not as much as I love coming home to a made bed
I believe everything in this world has a place

your shoes
your soft shoes
soft, black shoes
carefully stepping
over the mud
avoiding the sidewalk cracks

now sitting in the chair
crossing and uncrossing your legs

while sipping sweet coffee

wool coat
clean shave
faded jeans
neat hands
holding the chipped cup

I wrote this about my ex boyfriend from college. He was the kindest sweetest man. I never really felt more loved than I did with him. He now teaches high school English and coaches track.

I'm so glad I dated him because had I not, I would have not really known what true love is.

He also was the first metro guy I dated. He was very neat, but not like OCD. He took care in his clothes and appearance and always smelled lovely.

He used to bring me breakfast in bed. Fresh fruit, croissants, and coffee with cream and sugar.

He was a runner and had a fantastic body. He had the best legs of any man I've ever seen.

He married his sister's best friend and now they have a daughter named Chloe.

This is the man that the rest get compared to. At least I have set the bar pretty high.

You have no secrets

I've seen you lurking.

I know what is going on.

Thorn

Ok, you reminded me in your comment about Six Feet Under.

If you haven't already, go to www.blockbuster.com.

I pay like 15 bucks a month and I have rented every episode. You get about 4 discs per season. I've watched them all - through mid-Season 2.

I am a total junkie now. I can't wait to get the next DVD.

And Peter Krause. He's totally dreamy!

What's not to love?

Chicken Shits Use the W3

IP Address 67.111.137.94

Some little pussy - most likely again Jed or Teresa - is using the above IP which is generated by a site that will let you surf the net anonymously.

The little cunt then decides to do some kind of search on my site (which I can see) using words they think will insult or anger me.

But the funny thing is that nothing they say hurts my feelings. Because time heals all. I don't give a fuck about those pathetic assholes.

All I have to do is go block that IP address, like I blocked the last one.

I think it's hilarious that they actually still come back here OVER A YEAR LATER - seriously, like a year later, to read my journal.

I also think it's hilarious that those two hooked up for the long haul. If they decided to breed their children will certainly be fucked up. He's a really angry dickhead. And she has more issues than Time Magazine. They could write a whole section in the JAMA Mental Illness chapter on those two. Not only will they be fucked up, their kids will be supremely fugly.

His fat ass + her hairy tranny looks =

Look. You're welcome to come here and read whatever the fuck you want. But why be a pussy about trying to insult me? It's laughable.

Fuck you, dipshits.

Bejeweled

I don't know how I lost this entry. I couldn't find it anywhere.

Describing one of my dates. A poem in all haiku style.

He sent a picture
He was fairly attractive
Seems pic was way old

Immediately
I wanted to fake sickness
When he finally

Showed up so damn late
Cologne was super nasty
But not as bad as

The gold bejeweled tooth
We went to go eat dinner
I was too hungry

He ordered nothing
Except super shitty beer
I had a salad

He ate the croutons
That I picked out of my bowl
Licking his fingers

It was disgusting
I thought I was being p'unked
I looked for cameras

He was an asshole
Told me I needed a life
I am getting old

[aside]
[he said that I focus too much on my daughter as my world revolves around her. (uh, duh... I'm all's she's got) He said that I didn't want to regret not having MY time because I'd be getting old soon. He said he takes much time off for himself (has a 3 year old too). I said, oh, so who raises her? He said the mother and sometimes the grandmother, but not so much anymore because she can't handle his wild child. I said, well if you take off too much time, you might regret when your spending your golden years at the prison ... visiting your kid.

He also said (when the topic came up) oh, why did you leave your husband? (personally, I would have rather talked about lacrosse or Barbara Bush... anything) I mentioned the whole cheating thing. He said, oh, is that all? You left him for that? I mean, in the BIG picture, no one got hurt. It wasn't like 9-11 or anything. I told him that I'd never let any man cheat on me, especially when you commit to the whole not cheating / marriage thing. He looked at me like he had just eaten a turd]

[aside over]

It was getting late
He ordered a cheeseburger
Greasy fat burger

He sucked that thing down
And talked with his mouth too full
I wanted to barf

Damn, pig now we're late
You shut up and eat that shit
Cause we should have left

Movie was starting
And I paid for the dinner
It was not a "date"

To me at least not
We went to Big Fish
"Is this a White thing?"

Because we were late
We were stuck in the front row
Yay, this is fun - NOT!

I loved the movie
I would have loved it much more
With another guy

My "date" fell asleep
He was snoring AND drooling
Could I sneak away?

Back to my casa
He tried to give me a kiss
I got out of there

I practically
Jumped out of the moving truck
Before I threw up

(well I didn't barf)
But I at least wanted to
the Turd face seemed mad

I think he liked me
Said he would call again soon
Oh! Fuck! No damn way!

Internet dating
Is completely horrifying
I'd rather stay home

Meme and Me

Ok, I'm stealing this from the lovely Cursing Mama.

So if you are having a slow day and want to steal it from me, leave a comment so I can go read yours.

Adios.

Someone called me Mami Chulo the other day.

1. First Name: Deb or Debby or Deborah. But if I were walking down the hall and someone called me Deborah, there would be a more likely chance of me turning to the name Bitch than Deborah.

2. Were you named after anyone? Some biblical thing.

3. Do you wish on stars? Hard to see the stars through the smog.

4. When did you last cry? Last night. Snuck in a cig after Zoe went to bed and my pain meds weren't working. Couldn't sleep.

5. What is your favorite lunch meat? I’m not a fan of lunch meat – would rather have PB&J (same as Mamas)

7. What is your birth date? July 22nd motherfuckers

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Kleenex Girl Wonder. Some shit Jed persuaded me to buy.

9. Would YOU be friends with you? Maybe. But I'd be smart enough to know not to piss me off.

10. Are you a daredevil? Newp. Only in my dating life.

11. Favorite singer? Lenny Kravitz, baby. Sooo sexy.

12. Do looks matter? Well I don't want to sleep with someone who has to wear a bag on his head. Yes, but no.

13. How do you release anger? I write mean shit.

14. Where is your second home? My older sister's casa.

15. Do you trust others easily? Halfassed

16. What was your favorite toy as a child!? Barbies. But I read alot

17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Geometry

18. Do you have a journal? A couple.

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Who me? Never!

20. What are your nicknames? Debster, debutaunt, zkat, cuntmonkery, Debby Doobie (hey, it was as a kid)

21. Would you bungee jump? Oh hell no

22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes

23. Do you think that you are strong? Not anymore.

24. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Sweet cream from Marble Slab

25. Shoe Size? Just call me... Bigfoot. Size 11

26. Red or pink? Pink. Red lipstick though

27. Least favorite thing about yourself? the map of scars and bruises that is my stomach

28. Night owl or morning person? both. It's alarming.

29. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I’m posting, but would like to see it go on (me too)

30. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Black pants and dressy sandals with a wedge heel. I look homely today.

31. What are you listening to right now? KGSR on the internet

32. Last thing you ate? Tuna sandwich and brewed mango tea

33. If you were a color what would you be? Lilac

34. What is the weather like right now? Africa hot

35. Last person you talked to on the phone? The Boy for Sex

36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Face & arms

37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Mucho mucho

38. What's your favorite refreshment? cold water with ice

40. Hair Color? Brown

41. Eye Color? Blue and grey

42. Do you wear contacts? Nope – won’t put anything in my eye (ditto)

43. Favorite Food? Chuys fajita nachos. Share with a friend.

44. Last Movie You Watched? Dodgeball. Didn't think it was that funny.

45. Favorite Day of the Year? Any day I can spend in bed. Either playing with the Zoester or a sex marathon.

46. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings

47. Summer or Winter? Winter. Summer never ends.

48. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses

49. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Peanut Butter M&Ms

50. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? No Idea
51. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? See #50

52. Living Arrangements? I live with Zoe in a tiny apartment that is decorated in early Pee Wees playhouse.

53. What Books Are You Reading? I Cannot Get You Close Enough by Ellen Gilchrist

54.What's On Your Mouse Pad? Solid black with crumbs

55. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Six Feet Under - Season 2 (damn, I want to marry Peter Krause)

56. Favorite Smells? Zoe's hair after a bath

57. Favorite Sounds? Zoe laughing

58. Rolling Stones or Beatles? No way. I can't pick. I love both

59. Do you believe in Evolution or Creation? Not sure

60. What's the furthest you've been from home? Hawaii

So there's this guy

Sexy Soccer boy came over the other night to see me.

We talked for about two hours. I got a hug. He gave me his email address again, and said to ring him up sometime.

I've decided that if the situation comes up, I'm going to jump his bones.

The Boy for Sex has been phoning all the time, but has been really busy working lately. He still flirts and talks and stuff, but I think the days of driving to bejesus just wore him out. So if it's not worth it to drive all this way, and he's preoccupied with serious stuff (that frankly he says kills his libido), I am now in the process of finding his replacement.

Which sucks, but was eventually going to happen sooner or later.

So there might just be more than one boy in my life. I don't know. I've never really been in that situation all too often as I'm rather a serial monogamist (is that a fucking word)

The back is still jacked up. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm almost at the point to consider surgery. I want my old life back. I have the want to work out but my 80 year old back is not having any of it.

I know I've gained weight. And it's buggin me. I go back and forth (kind of like Sugarsnit) with my diet and exercise and self esteem. One minute I'm mother earth, the next minute I am eating peanut butter M&Ms (which are the fucking bomb diggity and could be the death of my ass).

I have been spending on myself lately to try to renew my interest. It's hard not to be frustrated when you are either in pain or high as a kite. It's getting me down.

I'm leaving early. I had like ZERO work to do today. Ok, early for me is like 10 minutes early. Shit.

And my friends are distant lately. Everyone has their own deals going on.

*le sigh*

I love you Diet Dr. Pepper

Just because I don't want anything else on my egg salad doesn't mean I'm a freak.

No. No extra mayo.
No. No toasted bread.
No. No tomatoes or lettuce.

Egg salad. Plain. On whole wheat.

Bitch

Happy Mother's Day. I Hate You

Nothing says Happy Mother's Day like a 5 year old in a pissy fit.

Here we were, going along all smoothly and sweetly for mother's day. Zoe made a card in school last week, and she told me not to look in her folder. Then she told me that she was going to hide something for me behind the bedroom door (it was supposed to go under my pillow - but for fear of smooshing it I told her to pick another place.)

I got my card (kind of weirded out because it was this little poem that ended in Jesus Loves You - Zoe goes to a secular preschool at her daycare), and it was all hugs and smooshes all morning. We watched tv together and then got all gussied up for no reason.

We went to Chuys for breakfast/lunch and had a good time. She was beeing super sweet. Then we hit the CVS pharmacy so we could buy lipstick and other fun girly stuff. Zoe bought some Bonnie Bell and some baby diaper pack with a fake baby bottle for her doll, "Big Baby."

We then went to get a pedicure and off for some sushi.

And then I came home and slept the sleep of death (aka the Vicodan induced sleep). I don't remember passing out, but woke up 2 hours later.

Zoe came in and we read some books, then I asked her to pick up her baby and the diapers she left all over the playroom.

Then.

And THEN

She threw a hissy fit worthy of any teenager alive. I told her that if she didn't pick up her stuff that I'd have to turn off her television. She was pouting all over the place, dramatic as hell, then she screamed "I hate you!" a few times.

I know it wasn't the first time and it won't be the last, but gosh, that really sucks.

She later retracted it after brushing her teeth. Snugged up with me and went to sleep.

Happy Mother's day. Or was it happy motherfucker's day? I don't know. I couldn't tell the difference.

Our Lady of the Boobies

Oh, this wide wide world of internet....

3 Random or not so random searches. So who are you?

2005.05.06 20:26:57 163.150.15.187 Search: query for 'boobies'
2005.05.07 21:46:23 24.98.111.119 Search: query for '"Our Lady of the Hills"'
2005.05.07 21:46:30 24.98.111.119 Search: query for 'catholic'

This is what I found out on the Boobie search:
2005.05.06 20:26:57 163.150.15.187 Search: query for 'boobies'

OrgName: San Bernardino County Superintendent of Schools
OrgID: SBCSS
Address: 601 North "E" Street
City: San Bernardino
StateProv: CA
PostalCode: 92410-3093
Country: US

Who the heck are you peeps, and how do you find me?

Happy Mom's Day

Sunday is mother's day.

And for some day, it is a day of melancholy for me.

I adore my kiddo. And I know she's crafted some pretty cute stuff for me at her school. We are going on a date tonight. To go eat some sushi (aka shooshee).

But I miss the days of getting flowers or something nice from a significant other (a grown up man who wants to kiss me).

To me, Mother's Day is the dad taking mom and the kids out for brunch. Lots of homemade cards and a nice little gift from dad.

Instead, I'm spending Saturday babysitting, and probably will spend Sunday grocery shopping and getting ready for the work week ahead. Maybe I'll take Zoester out somewhere for pancakes.

I'll get over it as soon as I see my smiling kid though. Can't be sad with a cute lil' face like that.

Can You Feel The Heat

From my face. Because it's still red like a mofo.

Convo with my friend Paige:

debu: ok... well...I am the kind of person that doesn't normally do a #2 at work (sorry, I know TMI)

Paige: I understand

debu: so I went to another floor to "drop off the kids"
debu: since that floor is full of CAD engineers I already know there aren't usually many women in that restroom, so I went to that floor
debu: I had to switch elevators twice though to get there. So when I got off the elevator, the restrooms - well my sense of direction was off b/c their bathrooms are on a different side than ours
debu: so I go strolling in (the door pushes open) and I was like woah. why are there mirrors there?
debu: then I walk in and realize
debu: I'm looking at a row of urinals

Paige: lol

debu: and this dude was peeing
debu: I was like Oh. My. God!
debu: and I said sorry, I walked in the wrong one, and rushed out

Paige: did you scare him?

debu: omg... I was sooo glad it wasn't someone I knew
debu: I think I must have
debu: he was old. I hope I didn't give him a heart attack
debu: that was soooooooooooooo embarrassing
debu: I'm still laughing

Paige: how funny. it does sound like something I would do
Paige: my sense of direction is crap
Paige: I would have loved to see the look on his face

debu: I was so glad I didn't see his wang

Paige: that would have required therapy

debu: I still think I need therapy

Yo!

I met up with a few fellow bloggers this past Saturday. SJ from Sarcastic Journalist and Antonia (ok, dangit, I can't find your site link).[edit - thanks SJ, you rock it]

Very cool chicas. Had some fat cheesecake and Zoe and her cousin chocolate caked out.

SJ's baby is so cute you just want to smoosh her. And Antonia is just dang stylin'. I felt like a dork in my soccermom outfit.

Ok, now I want some pie.

Dreams of Sex

Text message to The Boy:

Turn your libido back on. I'm in a blowjob kind of mood.

I've got a little itch and it sure needs to be scratched.

Between strep infections, The Boy's new job, and my bad back, it's been a while.

I had another boy attempt to kiss me Saturday. And he's so cute, I might have taken him up on it. But I don't like a first kiss to be with someone who is shitface drunk. Nor do I like to have PDAs with someone I've not been seeing for a while.

I hate gossiping bitches, so I like to keep my sex on the dlow.

Anyway, I might just have to call up the Soccer boy if this goes on for much longer. He's phoned a few times, but sheesh. He needs to flirt more before he asks to get in the panty drawer.

Conga Rats

Congratulations to Bambooki, aka Mrs. Fer.

May you have a lifetime of joy.

I love you and was thinking about you.