debutaunt.com

I'm totally scared caca poo poo.

My mom and sisters help me. I get Taco Cabana so that makes it better.

I miss you all terribly.

I think I have a swelling of my brain called encephelitis. It is minor according to my doctor and I may get out this Tuesday. It makes me confused and I have to stop and think about things a bit.

The Oprah show did not show me, but showed another cancer patient instead. Oh well. Wasn't meant to be me.

I love you all. And you know who I am talking about. Yes you, Bear.

I'm still Here

Not much to write about. I'll write about it when I have something to say.

Open Mouth; Insert Fever

Ok. I spoke too soon. I still have the fever. They just think that it's the neupogen shots. I'm tempted to drop out of the study because I'm feeling so gross. It's just like having the flu.

I have the day off today. So I don't have to go to the clinic, but can do the infusion at home. It's nice to be lazy. I'm flipping channels between The View and Martha Stewart. I think I am going to do some online shopping too and buy something cool for mom. She is so amazing and takes such good care of me.

Please spread the word on your blogs about the Thanks Mom! Marrow Donor Drive this weekend. It really is so important. I also heard that they have made it much easier to register.

Oh yeah....

The coolest thing that has happened to me is: (read extended)

I got a call from the Queen. Well one of the worker bees of the Queen:

Hi Debby
my name is Ms. XYZ and i'm calling from the Oprah Winfrey show. i'm just calling in response to an email that you sent. It was in December. We have a little downtime surveying a bunch of our emails, so really I'm just calling to touch base. if you get a chance, please give me a call back at 312 555-1212.

I didn't remember what the email was about, until she reminded me. I wanted to meet Uma Thurman, my chemo warrior.

Most likely I won't be on the show, but it was still beyond cool that she called me.

I can totally do this. I got a call from Oprah!!!!

Your assignment for today is to go buy Oprah's magazine. If you have been in a funk, there is always something uplifting there. I got the sweetest gift subscription from Sevin to O Magazine last week. I have been reading some blogs lately and some of you have been having some serious hard times. I want you all to try to find something good today. Remember when I told you all to choose today to be happy. And not the "I'm going to be happy when x, y, z, happens." I hope that you can find something to make you smille today.

I love you internets. Especially you. Because you make me laugh until I snort.

So Long Senor Sucky Butt Fever

Yesterday I woke up with a 100.2 fever. 100.5 would have sent me to the ER.

So when I had my apointment, and they took my vitals, I didn't have any fever at all. They checked it twice.

If I knew how to do a cartwheel, I would have done one. I checked it again this morning and it's still gone. I am so relieved. I still feel kind of gross, but my doctor thinks that I'm suffering the side effects of the neupogen shots. Today is the last day to take them, then I get a week off, then a week on. This will be like this for a month. Boy, I sure hate the neup, but if the study works, that would be a great thing.

My pharmacist also lowered my steroid dose to 2.5 pills a day. That is so exciting. Mom said the moonface swelling has gone down a bit. I don't know if she was just being nice, but it was good to hear.

Well, I have an early appointment, so I have stuff to do.

I can do this. My fever bit the dust.

Your assignment today is to walk. To attempt to walk at least 30 minutes. If you are doing more than that, I say just go for it (e.g. Moxie Momma does all kinds of serious workouts, and there are quite a few that walk more that every day). 30 minutes is doable. Once you just actually start, it's over before you know it.

You can do it. I have faith in you all. I can't workout today, but I will soon. I can feel it now that this fever is gone.

Even Natalie Dee says to get moving

I love you internets. Especially you. Because I know you workout for me.

Baby Bottles

This is a picture of the antibiotics that I'm hooked up to. They call it a baby bottle. It's kind of weird looking - like the medicine is inside that condom looking thing. And it has like a vacuum that makes it go into my line.

I still have the fever. All I want to do is sleep. Right now I'm going to go back to bed, so this will be short.

Hope you all are still moving.

I can do this. I'm going to sleep.

No assignment today. I have to think of some good ones.

*smooches*

Time Warner took a Time Out

I still have a fever. Like 99 - 100. It could just be the neupogen shots that I'm giving myself for that protocol study. Fever is a side effect. So is making you feel like you have the flu. Which is how I feel. Like caca poo poo.

Zoe got to spend the night last night. We had a sweet time watching "Free to Be You and Me" several times. Then we went out for Mexican food (and it was good). Zoe loves to play tic tac toe, so she and my mom played like 29308423 games. My mom is so patient. We came home and watched Seabuscuit. Then she snugged up in bed with me and we fell out. Later on, mom woke her up and put her in her own bed. It is so sweet to fall asleep with her. She always smells so good.

Friday night she got to spend the night at D1's house. She loves going there and talks about it all the time. Thanks D1 for taking her - it really helped us out. You truly are an amazing friend. Everyone should be so lucky to have friends like that.

The other night, about 3am, I woke up and was like... woah. It's hot as heck in here. AND it was dark as all get out. Apparently some car ran into an electrical pole or something - our whole apartment complex's power was out for a few hours. Of course, I was bored, so I decided to take some pictures. Mom had the big flashlight, so I had Zoe's Halloween flashlight.

Isn't he scary looking?

He also has this stencil on the top so he can flash a pumpkin on the wall:

It was pretty dark, but I fit a pumpkin on my head:

So the next morning we had some major thunderstorms. And apparently our Time Warner went out. No cable, no wireless or digital phone. It was out for a long time, so I wasn't able to update or get email.

Other than that, it's been pretty slow. I've been taking it easy. Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes. I really want this fever to go away. I've been on antibiotics for like 4-5 days and it's not going away. That really makes me nervous. I'm not allowed to take Tylenol or anything else to make it go away either. Because if it gets over 101 I have to go to the ER.

I can do this. No fever is going to get me down.

Your assignment today is and oldie but a goodie. I was at that restaurant yesterday and they had all these yummy salads on the menu. So today I want you to make a spectacular salad. Put all kinds of fresh stuff in it. Or make your own dressing. I swear when I am able to eat salads, I'm going to eat one every single day. If you don't want a salad, make yourself some veggie thing - like a casserole or dip or something good.

Mmmmm. Veggies!

I love you. And your little dog Toto too.

Happy Stinko de Mayo

Where is my margarita????

Ok. I still have a wee fever. I woke up with a cough and a bad headache. So we will see what my case nurse says today. I hope they don't want to admit me as an inpatient, but I don't know, my chest is hurting.

I will get through this. I will do whatever it takes to stay out of the hospital.

I want to work out, but they won't let me. Oh well. In time. I have to think about long term gains here, and right now, I just have to get better.

I am very proud of the debu_team though. They are MOVING.

Yikes. I was watching E! this morning. They are listing all these celebrities who have lost weight. Then they have these comedians and other people commenting on each star. Well they had SUSAN POWTER. Remember her? She was that buzz cut chick who lost all this weight and screamed at people to "stop the insanity!!!" Well now she has these nasty looking dreadlocks. She was screaming about Sharon Osbourne and how she could have whipped her into shape without surgery.

How sad is it that I'm jealous of this hairdo?

Mine is growing, but it's all patchy. It's jet black - which is cool.

I can do this. I have eyelashes, some eyebrow action, and I see hair on my head.

Your assignment for today is to have a great weekend. Do something fun. And don't forget to move a bit.

I love you internets. Especially you. And especially my Shoshie and the girls (oh, and my Fedex husband Sam too)

No Rest for the Weary

I'm sick.

I have a low grade fever, but they think it would be higher if I weren't on the steroids. Whatever.

It means I'm not allowed to workout. But I did walk over 2,000 steps yesterday.

I was supposed to have today at home, but they are making me come in. My nurse said, "you just don' t look like yourself. We want to keep an eye on you." They gave me 2 doses of IV antibiotics yesterday and did all kinds of cultures to see what the deal is.

And yeah. Um. Ok. I'm scared here. I don't like being sick. I don't want to be admitted to the hospital either.

Yesterday kind of sucked because my catheter wasn't working right. They couldn't draw blood out of the line, so they had to stick my hand. When I got to the transplant center, they couldn't do it either so they called the IV team. The dude put in this drug and i had to wait. It didn't work for over and hour, so it just made for an extra long day. If it doesn't work today, I may end up having to get yet another line - possibly on the other side which would be AWFUL. Because they have to do surgery and stitch it into me.

By the time my dad came to pick me up yesterday, I was half asleep. I felt bad. We were eating dinner and I was like the worst company every. I nearly fell out into my pot roast.

So today, the debu_team needs to work it for me. I am not going to be able to do much more than a little walking (and even then, I'm starting to have a really hard time doing that), so get moving for me.

I've been excited to see the check in comments. While some of you haven't been able to do the "typical" exercise stuff, you are moving. You are being active. Not just coming home and plopping on the couch. That's the idea. Just get up.

I can do this. Please say some prayers/send good vibes that my fever goes away and I get better asap!

Ok. I'm going back to bed for a while. Me no feel too good.

Morning Came too Soon

There is nothing more nauseating that waking up to Tom Cruise talking about changing diapers.

I don't want to work out today, but I am. I feel like caca, but I'm going to do it.

Go debu_team, go!

Check in with me today.

Dawn Documents My Dreams

My pedometer is off a bit. I think I really should get a more professional one than the McDonald's salad special. I know I walked more than 320 steps, so on my President's Challenge log, I only logged in walking and not steps. How did you all do today? (and yes, from those last comments, I have found them to be pretty accurate. You have to have the placement just right.) You should give it a few test steps at home to make sure it's in the right place and is counting correctly. I wear mine from the minute I wake up till nearly bedtime.

Today I woke up and had a low grade fever. I'm not liking that. And they wouldn't let me do rehab, although I really didn't feel up to it today. Of course my doctor blamed the tapering off of the steroids. I'm down to 3 pills a day (vs. 9). I also signed up for this protocol study. It's really an exclusive one, but basically they know that I have tissue damage in my esophogus/stomach from the chemo/transplant. They are going to give me these neupogen shots to see if the stem cells will help repair the damage. It's a really expensive study. I sure hope it works because then I can get off the steroids faster. Which would be groovy because they are just killing my muscles.

Mom is helping Sis #2 get stuff ready for the move, so my dad is my caretaker tonight. We went to a really cool restaurant near Rice University and then went to SuperTarget for some groceries. It was nice because he and I don't get to hang out by ourselves all that much. I came home and crashed out in bed. I'm trying really hard to stay awake so I can watch the entire episode of Boston Legal.

Dawn. The girl just cracks me up. She made me my own personal Natalie Dee-esque drawings.

How awesome are these? I can do this. I have my own cartoons.

Your assignment for today is to be secretly sexy. I was tired of getting called sir, so I work my pink tank top and dressed up a bit today, earrings, bracelet, enginerd push up bra and my jeans that (sadly) used to be cute and tight but now are baggy - bleh, but yay for weight loss.

When was the last time you did that? Like wore some cute underwear under your regular work clothes. Or dressed up a bit. Why buy sexy heels if they gather dust? Yeah, they may hurt your feet a bit at work, but wear them anyway and bring some sneaks to walk in later. I think you should try to do that at least once a week. It actually was kind of fun.

And remember. Don't make your juice from concentrate. It doesn't please Jesus and means you are a whore. (hey, I'm not making this up) - thanks Random and Odd for the link. I can't seem to close my mouth.

I'd bring you fresh squeezed. But that's only because you know how to fix my coffee perfectly.

So I don't forget. Because I'm 800 years old today

20 minutes on the bike
10 on the treadmill
leg extensions
lat pulls
chest cross over
row pushouts
1890 steps
walked around the parking lot and let the sun shine on my bald, sweaty head. I feel like I should water it and let the sun shine on it so my hair grows.

I'm tired and sweaty. It felt good. I heard the theme song to American Beauty on my iPod while I was on the treadmill and just started crying for no reason. I'm glad to be invisible sometimes as there were like three other girls in there.

I want to quit the rehab place. I like working out at my gym better. They annoy me. But they do have more leg press type equipment there, so I think I'm a bit stuck with the rehab folks.

I want to be strong. I want to be strong. It's like if I say it enough it will make it easier.

But there is nothing easy here. Gosh it's such a different feeling working out because you absolutely have to versus because you want to. I love it. I love working out. But this seems so hard. Like painful and not fun. I want it to be fun again. I want to feel the sweat and get that thrill again. I used to love working out really hard and sweating my entire shirt until it was soaking wet. I loved the way it felt to be exhausted, but in a good way. And I miss coming home and fixing my own dinner with a huge salad and lots of grilled chicken, steak and veggies. I used to keep not one but two George Foreman's on my counter.

I think I would stab the Jason's Deli guy with a spork right now just to get at that salad bar. And the turkey pita with sprouts.

I know I can do this. I know I can. I just have to get through the hard part. But how do you make it not all be a hard part?

I wish I could go work out at a big gym. I like when they have places you can stretch and classes and stuff. But I think it's too soon to be exposed to so many germs. My gym has some great equipment, it's all new, but it's pretty small. I want to do the elliptical trainer, but my thighs aren't strong enough to even get it started. Bah. It's my favorite and really easy on the joints. I had finally got up to like 45 minutes on it. But I will get there again. It might take eleventymillion years, but I will be doing it again.

Overall, I was glad I went. I'm sitting here chilling, drinking a huge glass of water. Then I'm going to take a great shower and eat some of mom's homemade roast beef. I plan on dreaming of salad tonight.

I am doing this. And my debu_team is starting too. I love hearing the reports and hope that you all really do check in here daily to let me know what you are moving. Sis #1 really made quite a difference in many lives of the folks on her team - like losing weight and lowering cholesterol levels, etc. I think that's awesome. We have some folks on my team with some great goals. I hope we all can achieve them.

Special assignment for the debu_team. It's painful, sometimes, but do it anyway. When I started my Body for Life Challenge, Sis #1 had to take my "before" pictures - pictures of me in a jog bra and biker shorts. The pictures were humiliating, hideous and frightening to me. I had never been that big in my life, and here I was, no hiding any of it in those clothes.

Now you don't have to get all that stripped down, but I want you to take a picture of yourself - a before picture. You don't have to show it to anyone else, but keep it somewhere - like a exercise journal or something, because I want you all to have some great after shots.

If you are already in shape, I want you to take a picture that will remind you of your goals. Like you want to be healthier to be around for a long time for your loved ones - and have a picture of your kiddos or your family. Or pictures of healthy recipes to remind you that you should be eating better as much as possible. Whatever it is, it's a good physical reminder that you *can* do this and you are actively participating and moving.

I got this today, "Have I told you that you make me proud?" You did now. And you make me proud right back. I love you so much it's not funny.

Go Debu_Team!

Big hugs to my SWLF family. Oh. Wait. I'm all sweaty. Well, here is a virtual, non sweaty hug.

Getting Started with the Debu_Team

I just set up the President's Challenge Debu_Team.

For those of you who expressed interest, I have most of your emails and will be sending you the instructions for registering.. If for some reason, I accidently missed you, or you want to join up, please send me and email and I'll be sure to forward the information.

Here's to a healthier lifestyle!

Hibernating - Too Sleepy for Prime Time

UG! I missed Gray's Anatomy last night. I heard it was a good one. I walked 900 steps yesterday. How did you do?

I can't even stay awake until 9pm. How sad is that? I've been giving into the sleep. Into the naps. A nappin fool. I napped a lot yesterday. I also went to bed early. And even though I woke up a few times, I slept until nearly 6am today. That's a first.

I have a lot to do today. But I just want to stay in bed and read or watch movies or listen to music. I am going to get my stuff done and get to the apartment gym to work out. My legs still hurt so bad I just can't believe it. I feel like I should be using a cane and I hate that. I don't want to. I feel like the workouts/rehab are doing like nothing to build the muscle. I don't feel any stronger and most days my legs hurt so bad I feel weaker. I talked to the nurse and she said to up the Darvon if I needed to. I might. I need to keep going and push through the pain.

See what good angels Sarah and Nikki are? Right now Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down" just came on my computer. This happens all the time. I always have it on shuffle too, so when I "need" to hear something, it comes on. Just the perfect song.

We had a good weekend. I feel kind of bad that Zoe is stuck in the house more often than not, but we have some really good talks and watch movies. We watched Spiderman 2 yesterday (her request). It was kind of scary, but she hid her face in my armpit during the scary scenes. It was sweet to snug up with her for a few hours.

She was really excited because she got to see my dad and my mom took her swimming yesterday. She just loves to swim so much. I wish I could go too, but it's way off limits because of my catheter line. She is also excited because Sis #2 is moving to their new house next week. I'm so happy for them. So much more space. The house is adorable too. Zoe will have her own room. I hope she likes it. They deserve this. I think they will be really happy there.

We went to dinner before we took her home and had some great steaks. Zoe's steak was huge, but she ate the entire thing. She was so good at dinner and did some really sweet drawings. She also smothered her lips in this purple lip gloss that she got in the mail. We got the most amazing package from my Sis #1's sweet friends, Kay and Ritterskoop. There were all these awesome/hilarious CDs (80's music), some tasty treats, jammies, some kitchen gadgets, lotion, tea, movies, and some weightlifting training books. My nails still have the sparkly glitter nail polish that Zoe put on me. It was a nice surprise and way too sweet. I am soooo behind on my thank you notes. I feel like such a slacker.

Well I better get my lazy butt out of bed. I have to do my daily infusion of fluids. They take about 3.5 hours. I've been reading up on the puffy face/steroid thing, but basically you just need to be off steroids for it to stop. It's not like normal swelling where you can hydrate/lower sodium intake/take something for it. That works a bit if you have swelling in your legs (like when they gave me some lasiks). The face swelling is like hard to the touch. And while it just looks like I am really fat, the swelling isn't jiggly or anything. Just totally puffed out. I swear it makes me want to cry when I look in the mirror. (and yes, I got called sir again yesterday at the restaurant even though I had on huge hoop earrings - grrrr) I wish I could wear some shoes other than sneakers so I could wear skirts or dresses or something.

Eh. Temporary. This is all temporary. No more Whinese for today. No mas. Not allowed. I see hair and eyelashes. That is good. I will focus on that.

I can do this. Mascara isn't too far off.

Your assignment for today is to focus on one positive thing about yourself. I think most people are like... my butt is too big, or my hair is too frizzy, etc. Well, I think we all should start accentuating the positives. I know I'm really down on myself, but I have to try really hard to remember that it's only temporary. And that if I can't change something, that I will embrace it. Accentuate it even.

Besides. You never know who will like your parts.

A debu_reminder. Hair, eyelashes AND eyebrows.