debutaunt.com

Mom Joke

My mom was a scout leader forever.

Tonight Zoe was kind of freaking over her night light because it wasn't working right. I told her we'd replace it. She wanted to use it but I told her that might be dangerous. So she was weirded out that there might be some fire.

Mom said that she did fire safety training with her boy scouts. Stop, drop, roll... the whole works.

So then the kids started asking all kinds of questions.

"What do we do if the fire is at the door?"
"What happens if we can't get the window open?"

Mom was getting exasperated.

Then one kid asks, "What do I do if the fire is all around my bed."

Mom said, "Pee on it!!"

Scooby Doobie Doo

Where are y'all? I need a few hellos today.

This cold is kind of scaring me. Today I walked up two flights of steps and afterwards my chest started hurting and now I'm coughing. When I'm sick, I dream that the sickness will kill me. I also dream that I'm in this huge bed with my entire family and we are watching The Brady Bunch.

Elvis is with me. Zoe is hilarious. We picked her up from scouts today and this dude made a completely illegal u-turn right in front of us... Zoe yelled, "What the HECK? What is that guy doing?"

I don't have a backseat driver; I have a car-seat driver. Elvis called her that and then she kept repeating it and was laughing. Tonight we were eating dinner and she came out in her bathing suit. She makes Elvis wash her hair. Not just makes him, demands that he do it. So I'm sitting here on the couch, just blogging away and I can hear him in his Drill Sargeant's voice telling her "Close your eyes. Wait, I'm going to leave if you don't stop sticking your tongue out and splashing me." I thought I might have heard a few choice words, but he wouldn't cuss in front of her.

Today my friend LR is having her surgery. I think she is having a lumpectomy. If you're reading this LR, just email me what you'd like for lunch or dinner one day. Mom was going to make you meatloaf, but I remember when I felt awful. So many people brought stuff and mom made me tons of stew. I couldn't eat most of it. So most of the time I would call Sis #1 right before I ate to tell her what sounded good. The best delivery service ever. She used to have the kids in the back seat and they would hide under a blanket and then say boo. I would always pretend to be scared. I miss those kids.

I don't know why you feel that way about food. I think it was the chemo. I still can't really eat Chik Fil A or drink carbonated sodas. Mom said meatloaf freezes, so I bet you'll be getting one soon. I'll bring you whatever you want. Hope you aren't feeling too craptastic right now. Remember the advice given to me by many of my loyal readers... "Just say yes to the drugs." Be well, sister sister.

Ok. I need to round up Ztastic. She's probably watching the evil Disney. Is it me or do y'all hate That's So Raven? I also hate those Zack and Cody kids too. They all talk back to their parents and scream. It's completely annoying.

I can do this. I have Elvis as my daughter's hairdresser. He's cool with it, as he's well secured in his manhood.

Your assignment for today is to again pray or send good vibes for my Uncle Roy (who has been sick and in a lot of pain) and my friend LR. I also want you all to not get all twisted out about the holidays. I know that traffic sucks, shopping is crazy, spending money you don't have is no fun. But remember... the holidays are about spending time with family and friends. And that feeling you get when you buy someone a gift. It's just sweet to think about them. I bought Zoe the movie "My Dog Skip" at Half Price Books. It's a sweet movie and I know she'll be excited to watch it. So enjoy. Don't stress.

I have a Yang Deficiency or Possibly a Qi Stagnation

Grab yer barf bags.

I am the now officially the Queen of Phlegm.

(waaaaay too many Google images for phlegm)

I caught the cold that everybody and their momma has/had around this place. This place is now known as

Did you know that there is such a thing as Turbid Phlegm?

Here:

Tongue Appearance: Thick, sticky, "soy cheese" or what we might call in the west "peanut butter" coating. This is a clear manifestation of phlegm. It looks heavy, turbid, and sticky which is pretty much consistent with its effect on the body's systems as well. It gums up the nervous system's ability to do its job too. This is the cause of your headache.

My tongue is now "soy cheese."

see

Ok. Maybe not. But me. Me. No. Feel. Well.

see the pain in my noggin

(still puffy from the 'roids, but look at all that hair)

I called my oncologist this morning. They are calling in some antibiotics for me, and now want me to go in Wednesday. They are just trying to be on the safe side, but I hate to take antibiotics if I don't really need them.

Oh yeah. Another reason not to smoke/ to quit smoking:

Turkey day was fun. We really missed Sis #1 and Sis #3, but everyone else was here. Elvis showed up with some Jesus wine (I don't know what it was, and didn't drink any, but everyone said it was smooooove), and a good time was had by all. The kids and my bros played football like the Kennedys, and then everyone played "faux" football on the Playstation or Ninetiendo or whatever it was. I love my family. We make the cutest kids of all time.

Ok. Time for some turkey navilidad (kiddin' - sammiches).

I can do this. Even with the head cold.

Your assignment for today is to post your favorite turkey leftover recipe or your favorite thing to eat for Thanksgiving. Hope you all had a good one.

Thought for Today

On a forum I read, I posted a thread on how happiness is a choice... One poster said something that just reiterated something I believe:

...I totally agree with you. Being happy is a choice. You can either get down and wallow in the misery with the other poor slobs, or you can pick yourself up, look on the bright side and get on with your life.

I choose life. I choose happiness. I choose to live every day like it's my last, because we never know when it just might be. I tell my kids I love them EVERY time I walk out the door. I never Ever want then to wonder if it was true.

God Bless you Z. I hope you win your battles, and I hope you continue to choose happiness and you live without any regret of things undone!

For some reason, I was glad she posted that today. I think I needed a reminder.

Hope you all are having a good day.

I found this picture. I love that lil' dude. If you look at that picture, you could never be sad.

Already?

Someone was telling me a story and said something about last December. It's so odd for me because December to me seems like it was just last month. It's been a whirlwind year for us.

Now Thanksgiving is here. I remember last Thanksgiving. I was in between rounds of chemo and had horrible chills. I was exhausted and was wearing a mask at Sis #1's casa because there were lots of kids there. I wanted so badly to feel well for that day. To hug and kiss my neices and nephews. And to snug up with Zoe. But I had to nap. And went to bed early. I was still Thankful though. Thankful to be alive. Tired, sore, spent, but alive.

Today is a good day. I woke up and felt well. I'm averaging feeling good about every other day. I had a little bit of a rash - I think as a result of removing the really sticky bandage from my central line, but it's sort of gone today and no longer itches. I have a hole right below my collar bone. It looks like a small belly button - like a doll's innie. It's less gross looking than I thought it would be though.

I've been hanging out with Elvis a lot lately. He really is an awesome guy. So cute. So cute. He makes me smile. And when I need to be smiling, he *makes* me smile.

I'm glad the holidays are coming up. Sis #2 and all my 3 brothers are coming up for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see them. Zoe really misses her cousins. I've been getting my paperwork in order. I literally had about 2 feet of it. I bought a file cabinet and all the stuff to organize it.

I want to focus on my business to see if I could make some kind of extra income. I think I can. They have such great products. So far I only got one sample request, but I swear if you all tried it, you'd never use anything else.

I was thinking about my Bro #1 after Mom told Elvis a story. My Dad was in Vietnam, and he had to come home on leave because his father passed away. That's when my Bro #1 was conceived. My 100% match. I wonder what would have happened had Dad not had to come home. My grandfather set up a trust that put me and some of my siblings through college. I hope to one day be able to pass that legacy on to Zoe and many more generations. Maybe that's why I survived. So I could use my powers for good and not evil. heh.

Anyway, much to do. Just wanted to check in.

I can do this. I'm getting all orgamanized and stuff.

Your assignment today is to list at least 10 things that you are Thankful for. I have way more than ten. I'm sure if you think about it, you would too.

I'm thankful:

For:
My remission, thank you God
My Bro #1 and his amazing stem cells
My Zoe, my heart
My parents. As Zoe put it on Grandparent's Day, "My Grandparents are special and caring and cool and great and thankful and awesome."
My six kickass siblings and their kiddos (and dogs and stuff). I couldn't have made it without y'all.
My extended family
My Elvis and his giant heart. I am going to keep you, you know that right?
My Houston sisters - All my camping buddies, bunko sisters, and many forum folks
My Meerkat, Paige, D1, Gemini Julie, Cadge, and Beatleman
My internets family, especially Shoshie and the sisters, and my long-time readers
My guardian angels, Sarah, Nikki, Clem, Angela, Eric, and Paula
The drugs that cured me and now sustain me
Starbucks.... I want to have your caffeinated babies
Yogurt
Taco Cabana
Schlotskys
Honey Nut Cheerios
HEB

To:
My church
The many people that prayed for me this past year
My cancer team - all my doctors, nurses, technicians and especially my pharmacists
MD Anderson
Methodist Transplant Institute
Those that donated to the Deb fund (especially my sibling's friends and the many strangers)
Those that donated to my walkathon
Those that helped sponsor other friends and siblings in their quests for a cure
The many bloggers who have kept me amused, enlightened, and who have touched my heart
My daughters school and all of it's teachers and faculty
Monkey Boy - even if you turned out to be an asshat, you were there for me through the tough stuff
Social Security... people hate them and they have done well by me
Did I say Starbucks?

Have a superfantastic day.

Look Ma

3 year old Zoe on her birthday in her jewelry

Hey! Guess what?

No. More. Central. Line.

Woo. I'm so happy. I've had that thing for over a year now. It's sore a little because it was stitched in. Now (when it heals) I can go swimming and work out hard & break a sweat.

Things are pretty cool. My allergies are still kind of wack, but Elvis loaned me this air purifier thing that kicks butt. First day in two weeks that I woke up and wasn't all congested like. Those things are great.

[aside] Elvis gave me this great all-natural skin care line. My skin looks amazing. I like it so much, I decided to sell the products. If you are interested in a sample, send me an email. Also, if you're interested in selling the products for some extra moola, there's a link to the business opportunity. Seriously. I adore this stuff. And my wrinkles are going away. Dig that. Yo!

Tonight I have a PTA meeting and then Zoe will be in this musical program. She's so adorable I can barely take it sometimes.

Ok. She's been in the shower infinity. I need to go conserve water.

I can do this. I have no tail anymore.

Your assignment today is to email me about a sample. I am a lotion conissour, and this stuff is superfabulous. (remember, I own a lotion store... hee)

Help Heather

Help Heather kick cancer's ass

Man, that's what friends are for. Nakedness.

I need coffee. I'll be back.

I Cannot Get You Close Enough

In case y'all didn't see this poignant comment on my last post from Collins, I wanted to share:

Deb, I've been reading your blog for months. It both lags and tracks my own experience (diagnosed with AML in Sept. 2005 and had my stem cell transplant in Dec.).

In any case, I am grateful for you, because your descriptions of the highs and lows of this process are so on target, they help me right-size those highs and lows in my own response to this illness.

I definitely agree with him on this. Cancer certainly puts your priorities in order. I think mine were pretty squared away before I got diagnosed, but it sure did emphasize what was important.

But I'm sick of it. I'm sick of cancer. I'm sick of my friends dying and I hurt so bad when I read this email last night:

Okay, I am joining the Kick Cancer's Butt campaign. I have a malignancy in my right breast; I am right handed; this could be a problem. Just keep me in your prayers. I hope it is early enough (small, stage 1, isolated, no lymph node involvement) to whack it off an go on. Please pray exactly for that. Love, L R

LR is one of my most beloved readers. I don't believe she has ever commented, but she usually has the most right on, encouraging emails after the majority of my posts. She was one of my first San Antonio friends. And one sure-fire quality person. I hate cancer. But I have faith that LR will kick its sorry butt.

I'm also on the more bummed side this morning as one of my favorite uncles has inoperable lung cancer. He's nearly 80. But they are going to try chemo to see if he responds. I just think it sucks donkey balls because sometimes the pain just isn't worth it. I wish I could wrap my arms around him right now and take the pain away.

Mom is going to go see him & I wish I could go, but I'm so not travel worthy just yet. My allergies are sucking today too. I kind of overdid it yesterday. I went to a mall for the first time in over a year. Zoe and I build my uncle a Build a Bear with a secret message that plays when you press her foot. My aunt and uncle were the ones that gave me my special tickle bear. The one that giggled just like Zoe when you pressed its foot. It sure cheered me up when I most needed it. I wanted to return the favor.

Anyway, Zoe and I are chillin at casa_debu today. We are both a wee bit on the funk side.

I can do this. And so can you, LR. I'm right by your side.

Your assignment today is to do one positive thing to fight cancer. Whether it is to call someone you know who is a survivor, give blood, sign up on the bone marrow list, or donate $5 to a cancer charity, please do it today. You never know when that ghost will be knocking on your door. Or the door of a beloved.

I love you internets. I love you especially LR and Uncle Roy today. I pray for your healing and for your peace.

I Googled "I hate cancer" and this is what I found.

My Elvis. I love him because he has not left the building. And because he's one of the most honorable (and handsome) men I have met in my life. *smooches*

I need a case of the funny

Sometimes I find myself thinking about the shadow.

*whispers* the cancer shadow.

I go to my clinic and there are soooo many people there. Most of them are in early stages and/or are really sick. It's days like those that I wish I had a private room like I used to at MD Anderson. It's days like those that not even my beloved iPod helps.

I think of my friends and it hurts to know they are dead. I think about their struggle. Our struggle. As we all went through the same thing. But I'm still here. I think of Zoe. I think about Zoe without me.

I know I indulge her too much. I feel like I've lost touch with what it's like to be a parent sometimes. But I'm exhausted and she doesn't listen anymore. She's bored. She's always speaking whinese. She's spoiled. She's sullen and insolent. It's like having a teenager around.

Except she's six.

And she knows more about sickness, cancer, throwing up, medications, and dying than a six year old should know about. And it hurts so bad that I can't protect her from that. And it hurts so bad that I can't seem to figure her out anymore. I feel lost.

Nightime is the magical time. I see her again. My sweet, loving bundle of magic. She smells good and snuggles up with me. She rubs my cheeks. She gives me her hugs. And she tells me her fears.

I don't want to die. But it's circling in my brain a lot lately. More than I want it to. I want to get out from behind this shadow. I know there are no guarantees that I will remain in remission, but I wish I had one. I wish I didn't feel so confused.

Until then, I focus on Zoe. Focus on her so in case I die she will remember me. She will always remember that I love her the most. She says "because you grew me in your belly."

Yes. Because I did.

I can do this. I cry too damn much, but that's what kleenex are for.

Metdeath

I just had to write a check for $2424.12 for overpayment of my long term disability. Yay. I'm going to now get $100 a month. Good thing I paid into it for four years at about $45+ a month. What a great investment!

Thanks, Natalie Dee, I needed this today:

Chapstick

"Mom, your downlip is chapped."

"What about my up-lip?"

"No, that one is ok."

made sense to me...

Team pictures

Even though they haven't won any games, they still are all busy drawing up plays...

I've been feeling pretty good lately. Once in a while, I'm tired. But for the most part, I'm getting stronger. Today my mom has a cold. So I shopped and got some awesome organic stuff to make chicken soup. It smells great. I don't want a cold right now. I hope she gets well asap.

I can do this. We have soup.

Your assignment today is to make something wintery - like soup, chowder, chili or stew. Leave a recipe if it's a good one. Share with family or friends.

I love you internets. Especially you.

Sis #3 has a little too much free time on her hand. How awesome is this??

Time Capsule

What is beautiful?

I can do this. I have you.

Your assignment today is to submit something to the Yahoo time capsule. If you don't want to, create your own time capsule. When you look back it will be like reading one of your elementary school diaries.

P.S. I love cold weather. Today is chilly.

November Already?

Thanks Natalie Dee