debutaunt.com

I can't believe I did it!

I just gave a speech about my debu_story in front of about 540 people and I didn't even hork once!

It was scary, but I hope we signed some people up today to walk. I even wore high heels and mascara. I think I might be a girl again.

I can do this. Jack Bauer gives me power!

Your assignment today is to donate a dollar to Team Zoe. I know we've been on vacation for months, but it's that time again - no one has donated in a while. And if you are going to walk, order your t-shirts now. They are really cute. Ours should be here today. Even if you don't walk, the t-shirts are cute. And according to Sis #2, they make your boobs look bigger. They do??? All the more reason to order two!

Gearing Up

It's getting to be that time.

A girl on a mission!

I started with Cafepress because you can order stuff and have it shipped on your own & I don't have to mess around with it much. All the profits ($1 per item) go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I decided not to mark them up too much so that we can make it affordable for our teams. There are kids shirts, dude shirts, and even shirts for big mommas like me. If you see a shirt or a logo you'd rather have, just let me know; I can switch it up and make up what you want.

And for the Debu_fan, I designed a few for me as well. The profits are marked up $5 per item, and the dinero will go to me. So I can pay my car payments. And pay for my blockbuster.com because I'm a complete crackhead for Jack Bauer. No. Seriously. I think I watched 8 episodes one day (hey, I was feeling ill anyway). I fiend for that show. And I love Chloe. She's so cranky and smart. I adore her. Oh, and I also need to pay those bill things. You know. That they send you from hospitals. And for that stuff you take to keep you from dying. Uh... what are they? Oh yeah. Medications. Yippie! T-shirts for drugs. Awesome!

Anyway, I have a bit more to write on my speech. Pray that this herp on my face disappears by the time I have to appear in front of SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE!! The side effects of the steroid taper caused me to flare up with blisters all over my mouth. Now I'm slowly ridding myself of it with some lovely Valtrex, the herp medicine that they show on tv. Wonder if I take it if I'll start going on some divine dates?? (and no. I don't have THAT herp. You know. *whispers* down there)

I am still a wee bit nauseated, but gosh. I feel like a normal person today. Love/hate with those steroids.

I can do this. I have t-shirts.

Your assignment for today is to either a) tell me your favorite episode or character from 24 or b) go pick up Season One Disk One of 24. It's crazy addictive!

I love you internets. And Woo! The Texans beat the Cowgirls!

Welcome Home, Jake!!! Wowweewoowee!!!!

What a great entry to read.

I can do this. Jake's home!!!

Your assignment today is to go visit Jake and welcome him home!!! (click on comments)

Debu_Unfortunate Conversations

P.S.First. If you donate blood and it makes you faint, bruise horribly, endanger your health, get nauseated, etc etc.... well I love you beyond words for trying. For thinking of me. I mean it. But I will not fault you, nor would anyone else, if you NEVER DID IT AGAIN. I will be satisfied if you just spread the word about Donating the Red once in a grand while. Make some other big lug with luscious veins donate for ya!

Debu_Mom:

"Why are you always laying in bed?"
"You should go work out about three times a week?"
"Well it could be a parasite? How do you know it's not a parasite?"
"The washer is empty."
"Zoe needs to eat her food before drinking her milk."
"Why do they send home so much paper from school?"
"Stay positive. That's what they want to hear."
"Tell Zoe to pick up her Barbies."
"I thought the idea was to take you OFF the medications, not add more."
"It looks like the Wreck of the Hesperus in here."
"What time is that tennis match on?"
"What is this crap you're watching?"
"How long are you going to have to take that drug?"
"It's his shoes. They are so clunky."
"Why are you sleeping all day?"
"What is a sixteen letter word for infinitely smaller that ends in the letter V and has no vowels and describes that actor on Hill Street Blues whose son is now on High School Musical 2....?"
"Dinner is ready."
"Well no wonder you are pooping so much. Stop drinking all that coffee."
"We are having hot dogs and Waldorf salad."
"Have they called you back yet?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I love my mom. Seriously. Like so much. I don't know anyone that doesn't love my mom. How could you not? All the kids (and the now spouses) all have an impersonation of my mom. Especially when she says noooooooooo. I remember when Sis #1 got some siblings together to do a spoof video of Mom doing Devo's "Whip It." I wish I knew where that video was. It makes me pee a little. Which right now is preferable to what I am enduring.

Debu: (to no one in particular)

"My ass. She is aflame."
"I am afraid of my toilet."
"Three squares of toilet paper is not sufficient."
"I think I may have single handedly filled our septic tank." (no. we don't have one. I am being a turd - get it, turd. Isn't dookie funny?)
"It doesn't matter what I eat or drink. Coffee. Bananas. Nothing. Water. My body is all processing it the same way. Fecal matter. Feces. Dookie. Mr. Handy, the Christmas Poo."
"Preparation H, Tucks, wipeys do not work on my roid. It has a zip code and is now learning Chinese."
"I am about to tell my doctor to eat me. This steroid tapering is not working."
"I love Jack Bauer. I want him to have my babies. All my 92302394390 Starbucks babies."
"Is it normal to wake up to poo three to twenty times a night."
"I am afraid of the Kashi."
"I am afraid of Raisin Bran."
"Fiber gives me a panic attack."
"If I needed a colonoscopy now, I think I would have to induce a coma first."
"I am laying down because if I sat up, I would bump my head on the ceiling this roid is so ginormous."
"Did I tell you, my ass, she is aflame?"
"Adult diapers are hott with two T's."
"No. I'm not yet at the adult diaper stage. But it's tempting. The crazy astronaut chick made them kind of cool."
"My stomach is percolating. How sexy is that?"
"Yes. It's curly now. No. It used to be wavy and kind of straight. Like Zoe's. Yes. I'm getting used to it. Oh, (I say nonchalantly, but really wanting to scream) It's just hair."
"I'm going to buy stock in Depends."
"I just grossed myownself out."
"That. Oh that was just my xyz bone/joint/tendon popping. No. They don't give you anything for that. You just start creaking and popping for no apparent reason. I know. I'm old."
"Did I tell you this steroid tapering is not working?"
"I wonder if they need a stool sample?"
"Ha ha. Very funny, Dad."
"I'll pay that medical bill when l pay that medical bill. You might just have to wait to collect on my life insurance to get paid. Happy now?"
"I started biting my nails again. Never a good sign."
"This stuff I put on my nails to make me stop biting them tastes like ass. And now, by this time, I think I know that taste."
"Yes. The bone marrow biopsy still hurts."
"Ya. I'm forty. No really. I am. I use sunscreen. And I made a pact with el diablo. And I eat dog food and drink bat's blood and Taco Cabana bean and cheese tacos."
"When do they start soccer practice? Only eight games? Great!"
"And then the sediment sampling is taken out of the riprock area... oh... damn. I have to ______" fill in the blank _____ drop off the kids at the pool, head to Mexico, lay down the law, have a conversation with the Pope.

Am I sick enough for you now? People should NOT HAVE DIARRHEA FOR TWO WEEKS. ESPECIALLY IF THESE PEOPLE ARE STILL FAT. IF I AM GOING TO CRAP TEN TIMES A DAY, I SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE RIBCAGE BONES AND COLLAR BONES STICKING OUT LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE. ALL I WANT TO DO IS LAY IN BED ALL DAY.

[aside]
This reminds me of a story that mom reminded me of today. When my nephew was little, he liked to watch all these brainy videos. Momo G was babysitting and he asked to watch, "FECAL POWER." Now the kid was known to take a man poo in his diaper, but this was a bit much. He got more and more agitated as he kept requesting "FECAL POWER. FECAL POWERRRRRR!!!!"

Momo called me. "Fecal Power?"

"Preschool Power, Mom. PRESCHOOL."

Ok. Me and my flaming asshole are going to try to get some sleep. It's after 4am and that school thing kind of gets in the way of my sleeping in. Where is the chauffeur when you need him? It would be nice not to want to leave the house like this to take Zoe to school.

P.S.S.Last. What a timely entry I stumbled upon. You mean people actually pay for this side effect? Just say NO!! Your bootie will thank ya!

Busy Mom

Clean bone marrow biopsy results. Thank you, God.

A year and a half in remission. I'm so blessed.

Thanks for all of your support.

My Penpal is Dead

I think it's time for the big meds.

My Iraq penpal, Sgt. Stephen Maddies, was killed in Baghdad on July 31st. I just found out today when his sister replied to my email to check in on him.

I "met" Stephen when I was in the hospital. We made a pact to check in on each other to make sure we weren't dead. I sent him care packages and letters. He was my late night Yahoo buddy when I couldn't sleep. A sweet, funny flirt and a really caring person. I was going to meet him when he got back to the states ... which was supposed to be 18 days from the day he died. I just wanted to give him a huge hug.

I used to kid him that I came from the future and that we were still in love 50 years from now. I did love him like a good friend. We sure did have some fun conversations.

I'm just sick. I don't think I even know how to cope anymore.

Safe journey, sweetie.

There are now 5 people on my yahoo friend's list that are dead. I really just can't bring myself to remove their names.

Safe Journey, Robbi

Robbi.

A long time reader. A wonderful shining spirit. She had a stroke the night of her transplant. She used to email me and comment quite often. I'm tired of writing about people in past tense. She was lovely and beloved.

This just makes my heart hurt.

I can do this. Even with a broken heart.

I was reading through her blog a little more and found this. I know she sent it my way tonight. Thank you, Robbi. Have fun up there with my peeps. Ok. I'll stop crying now.

Prayer of St Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

They Killed Kenny with some Chocolate Salty Balls

I made myself a Southpark character. Beefcake!!

I Make People Think?

Well I have been tagged with a Thinking Blogger Award by the awesome Dallas K.

I am so far behind in my blog reading and went through my favorites. Sadly, many of them are no longer where they used to be, or they have shut themselves down. I would have definitely tagged Dallas K's (as she's one of my daily reads) but she's already been tagged. So. Here are my five blogs that make me think:

1. Jeanne Sather - The Assertive Cancer Patient. She's just a badass. Everyone that is/knows/has been a cancer patient should read her entire blog. It should be required reading for doctors, politicians, and anyone who works in the health care or insurance industry. I respect the hell out of her and she's funny to boot. Snark to the infinite degree.

2. Craig Hildreth, M.D. - The Cheerful Oncologist. I have mostly read the archives, but am behind on my reading there. Sometimes it's hard to fathom, but it's fascinating to me to read, you know, the other side of cancer.

3. Ms. Pants at Maison Pants. She's my lifesaver. When my life was a mess, and my blog was a mess, she said... hey, here's the hookup. She started me off at debutaunt.com. Sharpest wit around. She comes up with the best phrases and I see people (including me) stealing her schtick all the time. But her blog is funny, poignant, heartbreaking and just a pleasure to read. She always knows the cool stuff first as she's the cool kid we all wish we were friends with.

4. Jake Wood at Jake's Life - Who says all military dudes are illiterate idiots? Here's a can of whoopass who has a way with words to make you smile, laugh and cry all at the same time. If you want to read some thought provoking heartache about Iraq, here you go. Many people check in on his blog somewhat like mine - to keep tabs on whether he is alive or not. Safe journey, Jake. Hope you get home sooner than soon. Get your beer on, man!

5. HiStandards - A truly beautiful woman with an even more beautiful way with words. I commented to her that her blog reminded me of college. When we used to write with meaning and poetry and purpose. (I was a writing major). I have met HiS and she really is someone I admire. She walks the walk. I only wish she had more in her archives.

Thank you all. Thank you for all of your words.

There were many more I could list. At first I couldn't think of any, but then I looked at my favorites. I used to keep up with them all. I think when Zoe gets back in school and things settle down, I will have a little more down time for reading and writing.

I had a fun summer, but the living out of a suitcase and packing driving thing isn't good for me. I feel so disconnected. I am really missing my own space. I don't really feel like mom and dad's is my home because it's basically two rooms for us and I can't seem to get organized there. But perhaps this summer will change that. I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I dream of houses. Little bitty houses with a few rooms and an office and a cute little kitchen. My red toaster Ms. Pants bought me. My programmable coffee maker. My double counter George Foremans. I keep thinking about my future and I really want to write. But after reading all of the blogs today, I truly feel humbled and inadequate. Everyone blogs now. Everyone writes. Some are better than others, but I honestly don't think mine is all that special.

I read the archives and I remember how easily focused I was when I was going to bed early and writing at 4 or 5am. Wake up, make a mini-pot of coffee. Talk to Monkeyboy and sip and write for a few hours. I'd like to be in that groove again.

I Googled Pamela Peeke today. I feel the inspiration somewhere. Underneath the med haze and the itchy and agitated, I feel the need to write.

It's there. I'm fixin to find it.

Zoeism

Zoe got a splinter. We looked online at how to remove it as most of my old school remedies did not work it out.

So we watched this video of some yucky home-made method with a needle, and a nail clipper. It was just gross.

"No mom! Go to isteppedonapinecone.com"

I humored her. Nada.

"Ok, well then try, whatswrongwithmybody.com."

I'm hot. And not in the good, sexy-chick kind of way. This steroid tapering is sucking. I have a rash on my face and I NEVER break out. I'm itchy. And I'm a dia of the rear and barfy. Yay! Yay! I love my life. I love poo. Vomit. And feeling really agitated when I am in a good mood. Everything is bugging me. So, I'm not writing now. I hate to bug. I think I'm going to go take a cold shower!

I still love you!

Friday Again

Lab tests Friday at 11am - 1pm Bone Marrow Biopsy/Aspiration. At least I don't have to come back for it on the 22nd. I never thought I would want it to be sooner than later, but I do.

I have been ok. Really tired and some bad hip pain. I'm kind of rashy too. I think it is because they are tapering me off of the steroids. Eight mg every other day. At least I hope that's all there is. Either that or this godforesaken heat. I really want this bone marrow biopsy to be clean. I want a full year and a half of clean biopsies. I want to stop worrying about every little ache and pain, but I know that will probably never happen. It's either nothing or it's horrible.

We've been having a great time in Houston. Zoe has been playing so much with her cousins and we went and saw "Underdog" yesterday (way cute!!) I think we will be heading back to San Antonio on Monday (if I can stand the drive/pain from the BMB).

I am going to be really sad to leave. I love it here (although the traffic is unreal). I love being around my family and the kids. I miss being able to call up my girlfriends or my fun Sis #2 to say, hey... let's do dinner. I miss driving around and having some clue where I am. But most of all, I miss my sense of home. Sis #1's house has always been like my retreat. When we lived here, Zoe and I lived in a small, one-bedroom apartment. It was nice, but cramped. Zoe used to play with the neighbors in the breezeway. So we went to Sis #1's casa nearly every week - babysitting or just visiting.

When I would go to Sis #1's house, Zoe had room to run. A big driveway and a street to ride bikes. Real furniture. Playmates. Toys. And I had my sis and BIL to talk to about things. It really was my second home. I felt comfortable here enough to pass out on the couch to nap, to whip up a dinner for us, or to raid the fridge. I still do. I knew my daughter was safe here. And I love my neices and nephews like they are my own.

My BIL said he wishes he had a bigger house so we could stay here. It's a big house, but not big enough to hold six people.

Oh well. Today Sis #1 reminded me that I have come so far from this time last year. And I will come even further by this time next year. I know it's true, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I know it will happen.

And goshdarnit if reading that August archive just now didn't make me cry. I remember Monkeyboy. I still do. Every single day. When I think of something funny that I know he'd laugh at. Or if I felt terrible, I know he understood. I feel like a masochist missing him.

Ok. I'm itchy. Like a dog with fleas.

I can do this. I'm itchy and cranky and sore, but I'm still here. Stubborn girl!

Your assignment today is to help me with my talk I have to give on August 30th in SA. Part of it is to discuss how my diagnosis has impacted me and my family's life. I know many of you have experienced this situation. It's nearly beyond words to describe how helpless you feel. How horrible it all is. So help me. Tell me your story. Give me some words.

Thank you, Collins... I miss you! Give D hugs for me, will ya?

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you."

The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is Good.

Z to the O to the E

She's back. We're having fun. Decided to hit Houston one more time before school.

Man, I love her so much.

Ok. Dinner time. When things get back to normal, I will be sure to write every day again.

Is it sad when you hope to get your bone marrow biopsy appointment moved up?

I can do this. I have my family.

Platelets Please Houston

A letter from Amy, Liza's sister:

Hello all--

As some of you know and others do not, my sister Liza is currently in Houston, TX at MD Anderson Cancer Center getting treatment for Leukemia. We are thrilled that she is at the top-rated cancer treatment facility in the country and that she has a really incredible medical team working to get her healthy again.

She recently had a second bone-marrow transplant that was a little different than the first as part of an experimental treatment that has only been done on 8 other people, 7 of whom are in remission and doing well so there is much reason for hope. Unfortunately, this treatment I not without its risks and complications and we have run into a big one. A little over a week ago Liza was admitted to the ICU for a lung infection and remains in critical but stable condition. She is sedated and is intubated (has a breathing tube) so she is not conscious. But she is getting better slowly but surely which, the doctors say, is the best way to go. Slow progress is better for ultimate success.

BUT as she works on getting better and being weaned from the breathing tube, she is needing 2 platelet transfusions per day. So WE NEED YOUR HELP to find folks in the Houston area to donate platelets for Liza . If she was back home, she would have plenty of folks to donate for her but she is in Houston away from family and friends. (We do donate as much as we can when we visit but she needs more.)

So what is platelet donation?
Platelets are the part of blood that allows you to clot. Donating platelets takes about 1 1/2-2 hours compared with whole-blood donation which takes about 20 minutes. The process is similar, they just have a machine that separates out the platelets and then returns the rest of your blood product back to you. This is actually a bit less taxing on the body than whole-blood donation. MD Anderson allows a person to donate every 48 hours.

How can someone donate for Liza?
1. Call the MD Anderson Blood Donation Center to make an appointment or for more info. 713-792-7777 Or go to their website: http://www.mdanderson.org/departments/bloodbank/. They have a few different locations so you can find the most convenient one.

2. Do NOT take any ibuprofen or Aspirin or green tea products for 48 hours before donating. Eat a good meal before donating (at least within a few hours).

3. When you arrive at the donation center, they will give you paperwork to fill out. On the sheet that asks for all your contact info, they ask if there is a designated recipient for your donation. Write "Elizabeth Matlack 709193" in that space. If you do not see where to write this, please please ask. This is really important. (709193 is her patient ID number.)


Does it help if I am not the same blood type as Liza?
YES! Liza is A+ but any donation helps. When someone donates for her, she gets a credit with the blood bank for a single donor donation (as opposed to platelets put together from several whole blood donations). Single donor donations are much more effective. The more credits she gets, the more platelets are available to her.


I am not in Houston and don't know anyone there, what can I do to help?
Pass this email along to anyone who might know someone (or know someone who knows someone) in Houston who is able to donate. We are counting on the whole six degrees of separation here so any way you can spread the word might help make that connection.

Please also feel free to contact me if you have any other questions: ameliahamarman@yahoo.com .


THANK YOU for your help by donating, spreading the word, etc. etc......I and the rest of Liza's family deeply appreciate it.

Warmly,
Amelia/Amy

--
Liza Matlack
www.artseducators.org

We Be Movin' ... Again

Hi all!

Going to take a quick vacation to New Braunfels, so I won't be posting (not that I know of). I don't think there is any internet access, but I will try to take lots of pictures with my new birthday camera.

I got Zoe yesterday, and I forgot just how beautiful and spirited she is. I saw her and she is so lovely.

I love you internets. Please leave me some comments so I have something fun to come home to.

I can do this. My squeezer bird-talker is home :)

As far as TMI info, just a follow up to last week:

Normal Obgyn visit - normal tests
Labs look good. Need more magnesium as usual.
No AIDS or Hepatitis. Thank goodness because I don't think I could deal with another chronic illness.
More meds. Blah.
Steroids every other day now - yippee! Although it's kind of making me rashy, it's the only way to get off of them.
Overall, doing better and ok.

Back in 3 months.